Age is mind over matter

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An old friend sent me an article about growing old. A very good article indeed and I thought I should share some very good points from the article as well as some of my own views about growing old.

One fine evening when I was taking a stroll with my son around our neighbourhood, one of my neighbours, a retired “uncle” in his 70s saw us walking by his house. With all good intentions, he waved and said “Good evening Mr Shiek, taking your grandson for a walk?” Grandson? Hmmmm, do I look that old? Well, maybe I do look as though I should have grand kids. Was I offended? NO, not at all! I don’t mind actually.

“Uncle” or “Uncle Shiek” is what I am politely called now. In the next few years I will be hitting the big 5. I cannot deny I am getting old because when I see a beautiful young girl nowadays, I would say: “Wow, her mother must be very beautiful”. Get it?

I don’t mind that when I laugh I may show a lot more wrinkles and that my hairs have turned grey. I will never trade my wrinkles and grey hairs for anything. I have seen so many that have never ever laughed and died before their hairs turned grey.

I don’t mind that the years may have wrinkled my skin. As long as I don’t let the years wrinkled my soul. I don’t mind that the same wrinkles won’t let me keep the beauty on my face anymore so I just moved it to my heart.

I don’t mind that the world seems to slow down as I grow older. I have seen too many dear friends leaving this world too fast before they enjoy the privilege that comes with ageing. I don’t mind that my heart have been broken so many times as I have lost so many loved ones along the way. Broken hearts are what give us strength, understanding and compassion. A heart never broken will never know the joy of imperfect.

I don’t mind that when I walked on the beach showing my weathered body despite pitying glances from young ones. I actually pitied them. They may not have a chance to grow old like me. I don’t mind that I may shuffle my cards a bit slower. Not many people still have a full deck of cards to shuffle.

I don’t mind that I will have more candles on my birthday cake. The more candles I have, the longer I live. As time moves on, I may even get a bit forgetful but I don’t mind that too. Some things in life may very well be forgotten.

I don’t mind knowing that I will finally die. I am glad that I have found what I am willing to die for. If you have not found what you are willing to die for then you are not worth living.

I’ll say this: “Age is mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter”.

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Love your enemies ...

Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be bastards! I heard this while watching a British spy drama series sometime ago. Then recently in a conversation, I borrowed this phrase to reflect on how true it can be nowadays in the dark side of the business world and on shadowy behaviours of the people involved. On the surface we see nasty confrontations with names calling, back stabbing and finger pointing that resulted from greed, betrayal and irresponsibility. Deeper below, there are those who smile at you but are already executing their cunning scheme. These people stretch out to shake your hand while holding a knife behind their back ready to stab without feeling any guilt. In today’s “dog eats dog” world, I personally witnessed so many incidents of betrayal and greed with plots that came right out of some Hong Kong drama series.

Sad isn’t it? People mislead people and friends deceive friends in stories of corrupted business dealings, malicious office conflicts and high handed dirty politics. Many are so caught up in the process that they forget very easily. They forget about loyalty and friendship.

I am not sure about others but I am still the very “old school” type of people where we place loyalty and friendship with very high respect. I am one of those who still appreciate the saying “internally we depend on family and externally we depend on friends”. I still believe in “tai kar pak chi seong” (we support each other to move up) but that is not happening anymore now. Today it is “ngor chai chi lei seong” or “lei chai chi ngor seong” (I step on you to move up or you step on me to move up). Words like friendship, trust, dignity, honestly, hard work, fair, responsibility and loyalty are often purposely ignored. And talking about loyalty, “old school” people like me are still very much about loyalty but we are a fast dying breed. Someone said this to me “if you want loyalty, go and get a dog”. Well, I like dogs but I also like to believe there are still many “old school” people like me who believe in the values of loyalty and friendship. As a matter of fact, I am lucky to have a bunch of these very good loyal “old school” friends around me.

So ask yourself, do you have real good friends around you? I hope you do. If you don’t, could it be that they rather love their enemies because you turned out to be a bastard?
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Try harder.

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When I first started working in the advertising industry, I remember a case study of a unique advertising campaign launched by Avis (the car rental company) many years ago. The campaign tagline simply goes like this “We try harder”. You see, back then Hertz was clearly the leader in the car rental business. But what Avis did was to put the message across to the public admitting that they are only No. 2 in the car rental business and that is exactly why they are going to try harder. This tagline stayed with me until today.

I believe in trying harder… always. Once in a job interview, I was asked a very common question “Where will you like to be in 5 years time when you join this company?” My answer was “I don’t know but I will try hard to do my best and wherever it is going to be, it will come naturally”. Then I was asked again “What if, it doesn’t come?” And I said “Then I will have to try harder”.

Throughout my working life, I met some very good people who believed in me and gave me a lot of opportunities to build a career in the corporate world. Due to my lack of paper qualifications, I have to try very hard to carve out a good career in the corporate world and I have to try even harder not to let these people down. I hope I did not let them down.

It is good to place things at the No. 2 perspective and see how to make them better. There is always room for improvement. We just have to try harder.

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You complain about your shoes ...

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You know, I thought I was very poor when I was growing up. I used to tell people that I only have 10 cents for pocket money when I was in school. I told many people on how the 7 of us (5 siblings and my parents) stayed in a rented room until I was 12 years old. We can only afford chicken a few times a year during festive days and so on and so forth.

Well, if that was what I called poor, then I do not know how to describe the situation of the family in the video below (I am sure many have seen this video before).

http://www.cultureunplugged.com/play/1081/Chicken-a-la-Carte

This is a true situation that is actually happening now. It shows a really poor family living on the waste that we threw away every day. When I saw this, it makes me think how wonderful my life was while growing up. I had proper food on the table. I had school. I had good clothing. I had a lot more things compared to them.

I remember my ex-boss once said this to me: “You complain about your shoes, some people don’t even have legs”. Those exact words reflected clearly on my mind when I saw the video.

Let me tell you now, I won't complain about my shoes anymore.
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Pain In The Ass

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Now, I am not talking about someone irritating that I dislike. I am actually talking about myself. For the last 2 weeks, I literally suffered from pain in the ass. What? Hemorrhoids (aka piles) … you see, I had piles for a while already but just did not want to do anything about it. According to statistics found on the internet, 50% of people above age 45 have piles. Surprise? I was surprised too when I read this. Many people got this problem but are just too embarrassed to talk about it. Like me, when it did not cause any pain or discomfort, I could not be bother with it. It went on for a while and finally it reached a point that I can no longer ignore it and have to go for treatment. I was recommended to a good doctor and was advised to do a “rubber band ligation” procedure by the doctor. Let me share my experience so that maybe it could be a big help for those who are too shy to discuss it.

“Rubber band ligation” procedure is a fairly simple procedure where the doctor uses a device to tie a rubber band around the base of the pile. This will stop the blood feeding the pile and naturally (over a few days) it will shrink and fall off. Simple? Yes, I had 5 piles ligated in about 30 minutes. Everything’s OK? NO … immediately after the procedure, the trouble starts. First the pain kicks in and not just the pain, also the uncomfortable feeling around the rectum. The rectum starts to swell and it feels like you have several marbles inserted inside. I also got this terrible urge to go to the toilet. But as the doctor said, it is not that the bowel is full, it is due to the swelling. Then I find it difficult to urinate. This was due to the urinary muscle being affected by the swelling. But after a few hours, I manage to pass urine and you can imagine how relived I was.

The first couple of days were absolutely hell. I cannot sit, cannot stand, cannot lie down and cannot sleep. The pain killers did little to ease my misery. The pain, swelling and urge (to go to the toilet) was really bothering me. I lost appetite and did not eat much. I was also afraid of eating too much and then have a difficult bowel movement. Every time I have bowel movement, it is painful and causes a bit of swelling again. And you get this feeling like you did not completely discard everything and still have some lumps in it. It was quite uncomfortable.

A few days went by and it got a bit better but the swelling still did not subside. I felt less pain and have better bowel movement every morning. Since the procedure, I stuck to a very strict diet of soft food, fruits, vegetables and high fiber supplements. That kept the stool soft and easily discarded during bowel movements.

By the time I finished the two weeks of medication prescribed by the doctor, I was a lot more relieved that the swelling and pain subsided considerably. I was told that for full recovery, I need another 2 weeks. I lost a total of 7kg. But I don’t think anyone would like to lose weight this way.

I am not trying to scare you with the gory details but I believe it is good to share this information. For those who are suffering quietly from piles, get it treated as soon as possible. Do not wait (like me) until it get worse because it will be a lot more painful when you go for treatment then. I suggest you find out what types of piles you have and what stage they are in. Also, very importantly, seek out various treatments that are suitable for you. There is a lot of information on piles and the treatments available on the internet. By all means, consult a specialist on what is the best treatment for you.

Strain, constipation, stress and pregnancy are a few main reasons that cause piles to form. Watch your everyday diet and ensure that you have enough fiber intake and proper bowel movement. I hope you will not have to be a “pain in the ass” like me. Stay healthy!
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How much is enough?

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How much do you need? Ever asked yourself how much is enough? The chinese words in the above carricature literally means "the less things you have, the less desire you have". I think I can relate to these words very well.

When I resigned from a permanent job sometime ago and decided to take a long break, many people said that I have made enough already and probably have a big pile stashed away somewhere so that I do not have to work for the rest of my life. They said: "Wah, so young can "tui yau" (retire) already". I just turned 47 and a good friend actually presented me with two sticks on my recent birthday and told me that I can "tar pai keok, ng sai lou" (whack my legs ... one stick for the left leg, one for the right leg and stop working) for the rest of my life. Of course it was meant to be a joke.

Well, have I made enough? YES, I can afford what I NEED to live life decently. I have no problem getting all my "need to haves" from Carrefour, Giant, Tesco and occassionally Jusco or Parkson. But I cannot afford the "nice to haves" from Pavillion, KLCC and Starhill.

Can I stop working for the rest of my life? NO, I cannot and I do not want to stop working, at least not yet. BUT I would like take it a lot easier and work at my own pace now. Even though I do not expect to earn as much as I did, what I really want is to have a lot more time. The real "nice to have" for me is the quality time for my family, my friends and myself.

There is a good story that someone told me long ago. In short, it goes something like this:

There was an old man who lived near a river. And the river is full of fishes but everyday the old man only goes out for a while in the morning to catch a few fishes, just enough for his family.

One day a young man came by the old man's house and asked the old man why he did not catch more fishes from the river. The young man told the old man that since the river is full of fishes, he could start a big business. He could catch more fishes and sells them for a profit. With the profit, he could buy more boats and hire more people to catch even more fishes and sell them for a bigger profit.

The old man then ask the young man why should he do that. The young man says that with all the money he does not have to work anymore and then he can spend more time with his family. The old man then tells the young man that it is exactly what he is doing right now. He just spend a little bit of time to catch a few fishes so that he has more time with his family.

Of course the "need to haves" and "nice to haves" are different for every other people. So the question of "How much is enough?" really depends on each individual. The sad thing is that many people do not know how much is actually enough for them. Even sadder is that they think that with more to show off materialistically, the happier they will be. And engrossed in the mad rush to chase after materialistic gains, many do not realise that they ignored their own well being, their family and their friends in the process. I hear many people say "You know, I spent so much time and worked so hard to make a lot of money and buy the best things for all so that I can make everyone happy". Sounds familiar?

So what is the meaning of happinesss? I do not know about other people's definition of happiness. Mine is just very simple. I am happy to cook for my familly. I am happy that I found a nice book for just RM7.90 at a bargain store. I am happy to have time to read the book. I am happy to be able to fix the broken back door in my house. I am happy to go trekking and enjoy the nature. I am happy that I just spent RM10 a week on petrol on my motorbike. I am happy that I see my friends more often. I am happy that I wake up before the alarm rings. I am happy to pluck the coconuts I planted in front of my house. I am happy that I managed to book cheap tickets from a budget airline. I am happy that I have time to learn music at 47 years old. I am happy that I have time to write my blog.

You see, simple things make me very happy. Earlier when I said that I can relate to the words in the above carricature very well, it is very true. I do not want a lot of things so I have less desires. But you know what? I am a lot happier this way.

So how much is enough for you? And are you happy?



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HE KNOWS F***ING EVERYTHING!

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Someone sent me a joke recently ... a very good one and it goes like this:

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Encyclopedia Britannica For Sale.

Brand New. 45 Volumes.

Going Very Cheap. No Longer Needed.

HUSBAND KNOWS F***ING EVERYTING!

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Have you come across people who think they know everything? I have ... as a matter of fact, quite a few of them. Among them, there is one particular person who is the king of "know it all". We nicknamed him Mr “Mut Tow Sik” (Know It All). You just simply cannot have a conversation with this person. Everything you said he knows, he experienced it before and he always has a story to tell. There is nothing in the world that he doesn't already know. Even the oddest thing in the world, he somehow has a link to it. You can talk about global warming, he will tell you he is involved in a worldwide community to help reduce global warming. When you ask him what is the name of the community, he cannot remember.

Mr Know It All also claims he knows a lot of “low sai” (big shot). You can hear him boasting that this “low sai” invites him for this or that “low sai” calls him for that. I once told him that when a “low sai” invites or calls him, that is nothing. If he can picks up his phone and calls the so called “low sai” at anytime, then I will say that he has got something. I asked him: “Eh … why every time it is the “low sai” that invites you? Why never heard of you inviting the “low sai”? I told him that he was just one of those “on the way, by the way” guys to fill up the extra spaces”.

These people boast so much that it is so easy to trap them at their own game. Mr Know It All got it from me once. It was during a small gathering and the topic was doctors and hospitals. We were talking about some personal experience and as usual our Mr Know It All seems to know every good doctor in Malaysia. If you have any health problem whether it is cancer, prostrate, kidney problems … anything, he has got someone to recommend.

I got so fed up with him so I decided to trap him. I made up a bogus doctor from India who works in Malaysia called Dr KEIHS (“SHIEK” spelled backwards) and said that this doctor is famous for treating kidney stones. I asked if he knew this doctor and I would like to get the doctor’s contact. As expected he walked straight into the net. Acting confidently he told me that he knew this doctor and as a matter of fact he met him a long time ago when he visited one of his friends who was treated by this same doctor in a hospital in KL. He said he will call his friend to find out where the doctor is now and let me know. I knew I got him … hook, line and sinker. I did not want to blow his cover and embarrass him for his wife sake. He still does not realise it until today.

You can never ask Mr Know It All to go along for food. Every time we go for some popular food, whether it is the SunwayMas “bak kut teh” or the roasted duck at Pudu or some other places, Mr Know It All will always have a better place. He wants to be on top of everything. Even when you say someone's fart stinks, he will say his fart is stinkier.

I am somehow stuck with Mr Know It All because his wife is a very good friend of my family and our children attend some classes together. As much as I want to avoid it, I do see him every now and then. During CNY we met again and as usual he was boasting and glorifying his past after a few beers (he was born rich but wasted all the money left by his parents). He has never had a permanent job in his life, totally depending on his wife’s income. I actually told him to go to the “pasar malam” (night market) and buy a pair of “tor hai” (slippers) and put them into the rice cooker to cook together with the rice so that he can eat “tor hai farn” (eat slipper rice … which means living off a woman’s income in Cantonese). He is so thick skin that he actually thought that was a good idea.

People like Mr Know It All are beyond salvation. Even when god sees them, god will also say: “OH MY GOD!”.

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The three lives

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During one of the recent CNY gatherings the subject of three lives (or “sam sai” in Cantonese) came up. Those who believe in reincarnation should be familiar with what people called three lives or “sam sai” which means your previous, present and future lives. I was told that there is a “sifu” (a medium) in Perak who is able to tell those who are interested who they were in their previous lives, what is in store for them in their present lives and what they will be in their next lives. Interesting isn’t it? Do you want to know your three lives?

First lets not go too far, let us just look at the present. You want to know how your children will treat you when you get old? First ask yourself how did you treat your parents. That will be exactly how your children is going to treat you. You want to know if you will die in peace. Ask yourself have you committed any sins that have caused people to suffer. If you have made people suffer, you will receive the same. Maybe not now but it will come.

Many people thinks that money can wash away all their sins. They are so wrong. There is a very popular story of a corrupted man who spent his ill gotten millions trying to cure a terminal disease that struck him. With all the money, he cannot fine a cure for the disease. Then he turned to charity, donated a lot of money to charity hoping for a miracle. That did not work either. He suffered during the last two years of his life and passed away a broken man. Many donated to charity hoping to redeem themselves. Well, that is not what charity is all about. Charity is not for you to exchange for a miracle or wash away your guilt.

And back to the subject of three lives … I don’t really believe this. But if it is true and there is reincarnation, you don't have to look for the "sifu" to tell you. I can also tell you about your three lives. I believe in “what goes around comes around”. So if you want to know what your previous life was, simple, just look at how your life is now. If your life now is absolutely miserable, then in your previous life you must have been a very bad person. Similarly if you want to know how your future life will be, that will depend on what you do now in your present life. If you do good now, you can expect a good life when you reincarnate. It is that simple.

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