You don’t have to tolerate me

I have a few bad habits … I call them my weaknesses. I think we all have weaknesses … just that some people don’t want to admit it. Let me tell you what my weaknesses are ... first, I am a very direct person, I don’t mince my words … so, don’t expect anything sugar coated from me. Believe me, I can be very blunt.

Second, I don’t like to keep secrets … especially other people’s secrets … so, please don’t tell me things you don’t want others to know.

 

And third … I am a live wire. Like my ex-boss used to say … the “windy” type … a pun derived from the slang … “hainanese wind” (meaning bad temper). YES, I can be quite “windy” at times. Well, I thought after life slapped fifty one years on me, I would have mellowed down but not really ... somehow the “hainanese wind” is still blowing as strong as ever. 

You see … I am not your “Likeable Mr Able” or your “Steady Mr Goody” type of person … so, you don’t have to like me and you don’t have to tolerate me. You are not the only one … many people avoid me … really, I am not joking. Why? Because they can’t tolerate my weaknesses.

Now, let me say this … I also see a lot of weaknesses (or bad habits) in many people I know … all sorts and types … some are as bad tempered as me, others have quite unpleasant habits and there are few unusual ones too. And most of these people are within my inner circle of acquaintances. I will not tell you what their weaknesses are but I can tell you this … I tolerate their weaknesses … or find ways to get around their weaknesses. Why do I want to do that? Well, simply because I see they have strength too … they have many other good qualities as a friend, a companion, a mate, a partner, an associate or an acquaintance. I can tap on their strength ... so, if I tap on their strength, it is only fair that I tolerate their weaknesses too.

We all can recognize other people’s disabilities but we must also emphasize their possibilities to realize the true understanding of a good relationship.

Look, if you can only see the weaknesses and you don’t find any strength in me … then you don’t have tolerate me … it will better for both of us to stay away from each other.

Or ... if you only want to tap on my strength but you don’t want to tolerate my weaknesses … well, the same applies … it is better that we stay away from each other.

BUT … if you see that I have other good qualities as a friend, a companion, a mate, a partner, an associates or an acquaintance … maybe you can tap on my strength but please also tolerate my weaknesses … or find ways to get around my weaknesses. Then, I am sure we can have a meaningful relationship.

What I don’t believe

In a few of my articles, I touched a bit on various beliefs that people embraced. Then someone wrote to me and asked me what I don’t believe in and why. Not sure why this person wants to know … well, I have a very long list of what I don’t believe in … too long to write here.

Anyway, I will tell you a few of what I don't believe in ... some common and some quite strange.

I DON’T BELIEVE in the dead (I mentioned this before but let me say it again here) ... what do I mean??? Let me put it this way … I don’t believe in doing things for the dead. I don’t think that by doing something for the dead, it will brings benefit to those living … like, making ridiculous offerings to your dead parents hoping for returns of wealth for the living, engaging in geomancy (feng shui) to build an exaggerated grave believing that it will bring good fortune to future generations and praying to the dead to demonstrate filial piety and respect.

I believe we should provide for our living parents … not offering (burning) fake money to them when they are dead, give them a good home … not a beautiful grave and talk to them when they are alive … not pray to them when they are dead.

I DON’T BELIEVE in fate … I cannot accept the idea that the whole course of my life has already been mapped out … that whatever is to happen and whatever already happened are fated to happen.

I believe in making decisions which affects my life directly … whatever happened and whatever is to happen is because of my doings. To me, fate is an excuse for those who don’t want to make decision.

I DON’T BELIEVE in luck … there is no such thing as luck. When I got my first job many years ago, someone told me I was lucky. Lucky? NO … it was not luck that got me the job … I was prepared and I when I saw the opportunity, I went for it.

I believe in this equation : LUCK = PREPARATION + OPPORTUNITY.

I DON’T BELIEVE in superstition … I don’t mind black cats or wild crows and I don’t think that if 3 people are photographed, the middle one will die first. Then someone asked me why I want to change place, make odd gestures and mumble-jumbled whenever I am on a losing streak in a mahjong game? Is that not superstition? It may look superstitious but really, it is just to create a distraction to take the mind away from distress and frustration … an opportunity to take a break, get up, get a fresh look at the game and re-strategize … nothing superstitious at all.

I believe superstitions are stemmed from some primitive belief systems and coincidences to explain the unexplainable.

I DON’T BELIEVE that humans are from this planet … maybe other living things on this planet evolved to what there are today but not human. If humans are a result of natural evolution, why do we have to wear cloths to shield us from cold? Why don’t we have thick furs like those animals that evolved and adapt to living in the cold regions?

I believe our ancestors are from somewhere out of this world … we were either brought to this planet or we were genetically interbred. Oh REALLY??? OK, I am not going to tell you the strange alien stories and the theory how modern human came about but if you understand what scientists termed as the “missing link” in evolution, then you will know what I am talking about.

I know many will not agree with me … they may have totally different views, their very own valid reasons and logic to believe what I don’t believe in. Maybe to them, my logic and reasons may seem a bit strange.

Are my logic and reasons really that strange? OK, so be it ... well, then let me give you another of my strange logic … I believe in counting backwards. Huh??? Well not for everything … just in doing certain things. For example when I am climbing up stairs and knowing how many steps to get to the top, I will count backwards step by step as I climb. WHY??? I believe it is faster … it seems faster. Is it really faster? I don’t know but somehow it really gives me the feeling that I am getting to the top a lot faster. Now, I know you want to ask … what logic is that?

Strange isn’t it?

Fools, they always have to say something

Do you know of people who always have to say something? Errrr … what am I talking about here? You know, those who always think that they are better than the rest of the world? Those who always have to be in front, always think they have something better, always think that they know more … the type that will never take a back seat? If you still don’t know what I mean … let me elaborate a bit here.

A friend visited me a few weeks ago and he brought along a guy, a business associate of his. My friend was just passing through where I stay (USJ, Subang) and he thought he would take the opportunity to drop by for a visit.

So we were all sitting in my garden, having a casual talk and very quickly I can tell that my friend’s friend is what I called the “sikit atas” (a little above) kind of people … the type who may have a little bit more and thinks that he is a class above. I am sure you know what I am talking about. And he likes to talk big … about his businesses, investments and properties he owned … kind of show off a bit.

After a while, the conversation centered upon the houses in my neighborhood and then he made a comment (on my house) ... “this house is not very big … mine is double in size and my car porch can park 3 cars”. I don’t know what he was trying to tell me … but I can clearly see what a snob he is.

I looked at him … struggled to put up a smile (I must admit … not very genuinely) and I told myself … “I am not going to like this”. Before I could say anything further, he continued with his “valuation” of my house … went on to say that the value of the houses around my neighborhood is not very high because it is an old residential housing area. It is also not safe as it is not a gated community and his most acerbic comment was … “it is not wise to invest here”.

Whoa !!! In my mind I was like … “f**k you, you arrogant show-off snob” … a little bit more from him would have pushed me over the threshold of my tolerance. I don’t know what I would have done but I am sure it would not be anything nice.

This guy always has to say something … like he knows everything. From local politics to world disasters, from whiskies to cars, from houses to pets and from gardening to cooking … he knows all and he knows better than anyone. If you suggest a place for food, he will know of a better place … if you tell him your mechanic is good, he will say his can tell the problem of the car just by smelling the exhaust fumes … if you tell him about a good doctor, he will probably tell you that he know someone who can raise the dead and even if you fart, he will want to fart louder than you. Whatever you say or suggest, he will say he has or he knows something better. Well, if I am not an atheist, I would have thought he is god.

Anyway, my friend must have sensed my discomfort … he quickly cut in to say that it is time to make a move. Honestly, I was in no mood to listen to the big-headed snob anymore … I was relieved that I didn’t have to drag him out of my house.

Some people just have to say something … they think that makes them clever. Well, let me tell them this … wise men, they always have something to say … fools, they always have to say something.

That evening my friend called me … knowing that I am not at all happy with his friend’s attitude, my friend told me that he too felt bad about the whole episode. We joked and laughed about it and I told him I am going to write about this in my blog and maybe he should ask his friend to read this.

Look, my house is not big, it is not expensive, it is not in a new posh neighborhood, it doesn’t have 24-hour security service, it doesn’t have a car porch for 3 cars … as small, as cheap and as bad as it may be, it is my home. I would be very glad if people know how to extend a bit of courtesy and show a bit of sensitivity to those who have less.

When I was very young, my mother taught me this … when you go to other people’s house for dinner, do not say anything about the food that you may not like but always remember to  say good things about those food that you like. On the same principle, whenever I go to others’ houses … I will always find something good about the house to comment, like … “good purchase”, “a very convenient place”, “good layout”, “peaceful neighborhood”, “reasonable price” and stuffs like that … however small or cheap or bad the house may be … a little bit politeness and a little bit of respect goes a long way.

So, I am just an O-level guy ...

I would like to use the now famous “listen, listen, listen …(11 times)” incident to stress a point. I was quite disappointed especially when the president of a local NGO said (to a participant) … “the difference between you and me is a degree and an O-level”. Now, in my lowly “O-level” opinion … these insulting words coming from the president just shows that how shallow she (the president) can be. So what if she got a degree … does that makes her more superior or intelligent as she is implying? Well, to me … the years she spent getting that degree are all wasted when she said those words.

Many people are very proud of their high academic achievements. They should be … I am sure they worked very hard to get it. But then there is a bunch of those with Degrees, Masters or PhDs strapped to their chests, walking with an air of arrogance … who thinks that having tertiary education means that they are a better person than those lower qualified. These bullies may think that they are highly qualified … well, high is what they want to believe but shallow is really how they behave.

Really, I am not a clever person … I struggled academically. Just managed to squeeze through my MCE exams and did not even complete all the subjects … skipped the Add Math papers. So, I am just an O-level guy … now, does that make me any less of a person?

I am especially upset when I see people being bullied for lack of paper qualifications. I know how it feels to be demeaned … many times in my working years, I was belittled by those with higher paper qualifications ... they told me I won’t last in the corporate world.

Like me, there are many in the working sector who are being looked down upon, insulted and bullied by their peers, denied the chance of advancement by the company and suffered from favoritism simply because they don’t possess high paper qualifications. YES, they did not have tertiary education … that is why they work harder, try harder … many times harder than anyone. They deserve equal treatment, chances and opportunities. YES, they lack the paper qualifications … that does not mean they deserve any less respect.

Not everyone gets the opportunity to go to college or university … there are many people who simply cannot afford higher education or maybe they are just not the academically inclined type. They may not be a supervisor, a manager or a director in a company or they may not be an engineer, a doctor, a lawyer in the professional field … maybe they are just an executive, a clerk, salesman, a baker, a tailor, a cook or a mechanic … ARE THEY ANY LESS RESPECTED?

More "RUBBISH" on the way

Since I started this blog several years ago, I received a couple of hundreds comments … some friends share their thoughts directly with me, other readers published their views in the blog and a few sent their opinions via email … telling me how they feel about the various articles I wrote.

Let me tell you about one comment I received by email quite recently … the comment has just one word in capital ... “RUBBISH”.

WOW!!! This person (identity unknown) must have been infuriated by what I wrote … not sure which particular article (no reference given) got to his or her nerves … or maybe he or she don’t like any of the articles at all.

I have this to say … to a lot of people, what I wrote may not be what they believe, may not be what they are practicing, may not be how they are living, may not be what they are seeing, may not be what they are doing and may not be what they are teaching ... so some (if not all) of the articles I wrote may not apply to them.

I am not some hot shot writer … I write uncomplicatedly using simple words to tell my stories. Whatever I wrote comes from the many influences of how I was taught, what I believed in, what I have experienced, what I have proven, what I have done and what I have seen. Call it coincidence or call it strange … what I wrote is pretty similar to the many articles written by many people all over the world … some very famous, some not so famous and others are just simple people like me. Though we did not write in the same words or language but we definitely wrote in the same context. So, all these people wrote RUBBISH too?

A lot of people know that I don’t always do the norm … maybe I stirred the hornet’s nest every now and then. To me … that’s the spice of life! Well, some may like it, others don’t … like they say, it is hard to please everyone.

Now, I won’t say my logic is rational nor will I say my beliefs are common. As a matter of fact, I have done many odd things, my logic has got me into many awkward situations and some of my beliefs are quite strange. Probably that is why many people find it a bit difficult to see things from my point of view.

I must admit that there are some articles I wrote that could have rubbed salt into a few sore spots … maybe because some people did not read with an open mind and maybe they did not realize that in many instances, there is no right or wrong.

When I wrote “The first rule …” I made reference to the first rule of photography (photographers will know this) … “Never shoot a photo at eye level” because everyone sees things at eye level. Step out of your comfort zone and see it from another level … you will definitely see a different (if not better) picture. I hope that people can apply this discipline when reading some of my articles … look at what I wrote from a different point … then maybe one can accept my way of thinking and understands it better.

Anyway, for a start of a new year, I would like to thank those who have spent time on my blog and shared their comments and views … I hope you continue to do so. I will be writing and sharing more of my thoughts and opinions. So, more “RUBBISH” on the way.

I DON'T PRAY

(Many may not like what is written in this article especially those whose faith and belief encourages praying … so, please read at your own discretion and approach with an open mind)

While talking to a family friend, she asked me did I go pray to my late father (at the temple where his ashes are kept) on the recent anniversary of his passing … my father passed away 4 years ago last month.  I said … “No, I did not”. She was surprised by my reply and she then asked … “Do you remember the date he passed away?” I said … “YES, of course”.

“Then why you didn’t go pray to your father?” … she asked again. And before I could reply, she teasingly said to me in Cantonese … “Lei tou ng how soon yau ng chuin chung lei low tou” … loosely translated, it means that I don’t have a sense of filial piety and respect for my father. Then she went on to say I should have at least go pray to my father on the anniversary of his passing.

I did not say anything then but let me say this now … I DISAGREE.

I totally disagree with the opinion that to show I am a good filial son and to show respect to my father, I will have to go pray to him on the anniversary of his passing … as well as on other traditionally observed days and events too.

I don’t believe that praying to my father will show anything … he is dead. What can I show him? What can I tell him? Maybe you will say I have no respect for him … oh no, I respect my dad, I just don’t think that respect is to be shown by praying in front of his ashes at a temple.

If it was solely my decision, I would have had my father’s ashes washed away by the waves of the ocean. … I don’t need any ashes to remember or respect anyone. OK, I did not go pray to my father … so, I am a bad unfilial son? So be it … my father is not here anymore … do you think it makes any difference?

Hey, you want to show you are a filial son? Show it when your old folks are alive. You want to show that you respect them when they are gone? You do whatever they taught you and you do it well … that is the greatest respect you can show.

I have done whatever I need to do for my father … maybe not a lot but I have done whatever that is in my capacity as a son for his father. I have done it for him when he was alive. Now that he is no longer with us … I don’t think whatever I do now can show anything good for him … least of all, pray.

I DON’T PRAY … I don't believe in praying. To me, praying is just a way of doing absolutely NOTHING but still think you have helped.

Life's too f**king short?

In the last “boy’s night out” with my good friends … as usual, plenty of beers, jokes and laughter but amidst all that, we also talked casually about the many challenges of life. And (what I think is) the most common question people asked about life … “what is life?” became a point of discussion. Though we made a few attempts to discuss it seriously but in a state of alcohol induced mind, we never really get to anything serious … instead, we got carried away with a variety of whimsical views and opinions about life.

The next day (and very much sober) I thought of it again, this time seriously … what is life? Let me share my thoughts here.

I have heard people ask this question too many times … from listening to many people and reading from so many sources, I have not come across anything close enough that can offer a fitting answer on what is life. Many have tried to provide their views … some made a bit of sense but most just gave a few sentences of generalized opinions.

Do you ask … “what is life?” Are you hoping that the answer can be found in an expressive sentence or in a few meaningful words? Have you found the answer you are looking for? Don’t look for it … I don’t think you will find anything searching the internet nor do you get any answers from inspirational books and you definitely won’t get it from what I am writing here. Yes, there are many meaningful life quotes written or said by famous people but don’t take their words for it … go live it yourself.

What is life? Don’t ask … if you are asking then you are not living life. Why? Life is not meant to be asked … it is meant to be lived, it demands to be lived. It can be good, can be bad … some days it is easy, other days it can be very painful. But live it … bit by bit, moment by moment and day by day … THAT, is life.

Very often life passes by unknowingly and too quickly … then it is too late to start searching for what you have missed knowing very well that you cannot replace lost time. Maybe you can seek solace in some life quotes. Maybe that few words can provide a bit of consolation but more likely in frustration and desperation, you curse in anguish … life’s too f**king short!

No … life is not short, you just waited too f**king long to start living it. 

What happened?

When I left my full time job a few years ago, I occasionally do freelance jobs (of all sorts) ...  to earn me some extra pocket money. One of the many ‘odd’ jobs that I do is providing transport ...  some call it “private taxi” but I still like to call it “providing transport”. I send people everywhere ... to airports, train stations and sometimes I drive people outstation. I do it every now and then catering to a handful of regular customers.

On one occasion ... more than a year ago, I got a call from a lady for a trip to the airport. When I picked her at her house, I immediately recognized her and she too recognized me ... I worked with her once on a marketing event some years ago. She was surprised to see me now working freelance providing transport. On the way to the airport we chatted and I found out that she is now a top executive of a well known international cosmetic company ... told me she is going overseas for a conference.

We chatted casually for a long while and then she asked me (I cannot remember the exact words but something to this effect) ... “Shiek, you were a well paid senior manager in a big MNC ... now you are just making a couple of hundred bucks driving and carrying luggage for people ... what happened?”

At first, I thought I detected a note of mockery in the question ... well, maybe not, maybe I am just a bit sensitive ... anyway, told her I simply had enough of the corporate world and one day I just decided to give it all up ... that’s it, nothing happened!

And disbelievingly she said ... REALLY? Now, the tone and manner she replied told me I was right in the first place, she did intend to inject a bit of sarcasm in the question. Not sure why but I guessed in her opinion, one just don’t walk away from a well paid job in the corporate world to do odd jobs ... something must have happened. 

Then the conversation shifted back to her career and she told me how she worked her way up the corporate ladder over the last several years, how busy she is now with the travelling and meetings and the corporate jargons lasted all the way to the airport. On the way back, I thought to myself ... good for her, she is now a high flying corporate hotshot, enjoying a great career ... she is very likely to go far.

After that, I forgot all about this lady ... until recently ... when I saw her again. This time she was in the waiting area of a private hospital. This time, I saw a very different person. When I greeted her, I could hardly hear her voice ... from what I see, she was quite sick. I spoke to her friend who was accompanying her and though we did not say much of what is actually happening to her ... the baldness, the pale face and the skeletal frame suggested the side effects from chemotherapy treatment of a terminal illness. I felt sorry for her and I am sure those who know her felt the same but that is all one can offer.

As I drove away from the hospital ... I recalled the conversation that I had with her (when I was sending her to the airport) ... she was a top executive of a large company, a high flying corporate hotshot who was doing so well, a great career and so much to look forward to ... all that doesn’t matter anymore. Ironically I thought to myself ... what happened?

(Later I was told that she passed away due to cancer)

Too many times I have heard of similar stories ... life throws a hard curve and strike without warning. Almost in all of these situations, it is always too fast, too late. By the time one realizes it ... nothing matters anymore and by then there is no point asking ... "what happened?"

If someone ask me again ... “what happened?” ... let me say this ... what happened to me is my choice ... I chose to leave the fast lane for a simpler life. For the last several years, I chose the way I want to live ... I like it this way. I like to choose “what happened” to my life ... for as long as I can.