You don’t have to like me

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I speak with candor … candor, now that is a nice word, isn’t it? In not so nice words, it actually means I can be brutally blunt … those who know me well will agree. I will tell you what I don’t like … no beating around the bushes. I don’t put on a face … I don’t pretend. Not that I don’t know how to put on a mask and play along … just that, in most occasions I don’t want to. You may not like what I am … I prefer it this way rather than having you like me for what I am not.

Really, I am not the “Likeable Mr Able” type of person … my outspokenness tends to create discomfort for many people. They think I am rude. I am not rude … I am just being direct. Being direct is not the same as being rude.

In my corporate days, working amongst scheming, conniving, dubious characters hiding behind smiling masks … frankness was not something to be appreciated. Treading in sensitive company politics, candor is a dirty word. I always tell people I got a dirty job … was paid to be hated. 

It is very hard to be nice if you want to be right … very often it will offend people but if I dare not offend, I cannot be honest. So I have made enemies … it is alright to have enemies as Sir Winston Churchill once said: “You have enemies? Good. That means you have stood up for something, sometime of your life”.

You don’t like my straightforwardness? It is OK, you don’t have to like it … for that matter, you don’t have to like me. To those who understand and accept it, candor is a compliment … it is how we should talk. The way I look at it … those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

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SHIT 50 !!!

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I am 50 years old today … yes, Hawaii Five O … the big FIVE ZERO! So, how do you think I feel? Thrilled? Excited? Celebrating a new milestone with plenty to look forward to?

Oh really? Hey, don’t you know the Mayans predicted the world is coming to an end on 21/12/2012? We are all going to die soon! So what is there to look forward to?

Naaahhhh … I am just joking, the world is not coming to an end. 

Seriously, how do I feel at 50? Some say life begins at 50, the second blooming, as they put it. Some say it is like wine … “the older it is, the better it gets” while others say … “the older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune”. 

Oh yeah? Screw all that … I say once you are over the hill you begin to pick up speed! Please forgive my sarcasms, some things may change at 50 but my skeptical, semi-eccentric, acerbic, dry-humoured personality is still very much intact.

If you believe there is a second blooming and you will get better as you grow older … you are a fool. When you are at my age … physically, the part of the body that doesn’t hurts, probably doesn’t work anymore. Mentally, midlife crisis may fool you to think that you can be 30s again … go hang out in some hot joints hoping to “score” some young one-night-stands. But frankly … you think a twenty or thirty-something chick would lay eyes on a fifty year old uncle? Look, accept the reality of “been there done that” and be satisfied with it. No need to seek temptations … when you reach this point in life, temptations will avoid you.

You don’t want to view the world at 50 … you want to believe you can look at the world the same as you did when you were 20 … then you have wasted thirty years of your life. A wise man will never wish to be younger.  Let’s face it … life is not going to be as kind as you want it to be when you are at 50… even the candles will cost more than the cake, so they say.

Oh shit, the big FIVE ZERO doesn’t really sounds too good, does it?  

Like it or not, accept it ... that is the only way to deal with it. For me, really it is not all that bad accepting that I am getting old. When I say SHIT 50!!! … I am not cursing nor I am disappointed or angry with anything. On the contrary, I am glad … actually it means (S.H.I.T.) So Happy I've Turned 50!

I am glad that at this point of my life, I have done with most of the stuffs I need to do. I made good the many obligations and commitments that were required of me and even crossed a few unexpected hurdles that were thrown at me along the way. I can say I am on a home run now … slowly, easily and happily.

So, I am on a home run … as good as it may sound, in reality it is probably the last stretch of the journey.  But I am not too worried about it … I still have some “uummmmph” (my slang for the collective meaning of energy, will power, desire and motivation) in me. Though many parts of my body have seen better days … even though a bit slow and gravity seems to be pulling harder, I am not sitting down and let life runs by … I am in action … this old uncle is on the go … so tell me, whose ass you want kicked? Just kidding lah.

OK seriously, I want to stay active, be on the move … may not be as fast as it used to be but I will be out there playing a few more competitive racket games, trekking a few more jungles, hiking a few more mountains and spending a little bit more time enjoying the wonderful nature. The way I see it … it is better to wear out than to rust out.

People say life is short, live as if you are going to die tomorrow … that doesn’t apply to me. I don’t know how many years I have but I know I have quite a bit of things to look forward to … so I am going to experience, to enjoy and to learn like I am going to live forever. 

This 50^th birthday is good for me, not the best … the best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet. I don’t know how many more will there be … if I have it my way, I probably live to write SHIT 60 and maybe even SHIT 70. Of course I want more … the more birthdays I have, the longer I will live, right? By then, if I still got “uummmmph”, you will get more SHITs from me.

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Please grow up ...

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Some say that you can grow old but you don’t have to grow up … it is to say that one can be young at heart even though we are getting old. Well, I have no problem with that. But from a different perspective, I say that the reality of one growing old actually needs another growing up. What do I mean? 

OK, let me explain my point … by growing old, I am talking about letting go of things, taking a backseat, bowing out from obligations and enjoy the easy life for however long it may be. And by growing up, I meant the children carrying on the baton, taking on the challenges of life and learning to handle the responsibilities of their age. My philosophy is simple ... for one to grow old, the children must grow up.

But the problem is, some children just don’t grow up and there are too many young working adults out there who still rely on their parents for support. I heard this many times “No matter how old your kids are, they are still a baby in your eyes”. You can put it that way but it does not mean that you are to hold their hands forever … you don’t want to hold their hands forever. If they are holding on to your hands for too long … something is not right. 

We all heard of protective over-indulging parents ignorantly spoiling their children and some parents (knowingly) still carry the responsibilities of their adult children. Are you one of these parents? Look, the years are adding on, like it or not the wrinkles and grey hairs will show and come one day you would like to grow old … but can you? 

Anyway, I don’t know about others ... my hair is already turning grey but hey, I am not complaining … on the contrary, I am glad I can see my hair turning grey. Many unfortunate people did not live long enough to see their hairs turn grey. I don’t mind getting older … and in time to come, I want to grow old. I told my children many times (even though they are still at a young age) and I tell them again, so here is to my son and daughter “Please grow up … so I can grow old”.

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Study lor … study some more lor … then read lor

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I know of some parents who are very reluctant to let their kids have access to a computer or other digital devices at home. I once asked one such parent why and she said she is afraid that her children will be hooked on the computer games, Internet, watching online movies, chatting or drawn into other related activities. She told me she heard of stories that kids who are so hooked on the Internet that they refuse to go to school playing truant hanging out at Internet cafes. They are addicted to online games, watching movies on the Internet every day neglecting their studies. She don’t want her kids to be like that … so no computers, no Internet, no emails, no mobile phones, no MP3s, no game consoles … absolutely NOTHING !

When I asked these parents what do they like their kids to do on free time, I often hear … study lor. When I explained 'free time' means after the kids had finished studying, they told me … study some more lor. Then I asked what if their kids really don’t want to study anymore … what then? They said to me … then read lor. I don’t want to ask anymore.

Seems like this 'STUDY lor and STUDY SOME MORE lor and then READ lor” routine is the norm set in the minds of these parents for their kids’ free time. I feel bad for their kids … as if the kids have not read enough. Do the kids really like reading? Or they just don’t have any choice … because their parents think that computers and other digital devices are bad for them. Don’t get me wrong … I am not saying reading is not good. I want my kids to read too … it is a good habit but I don’t want my kids to just read and do nothing else. There are a lot more they need to do and learn while growing up at their age.

I disagree with parents who don’t allow their kids the necessity and convenience of the digital age. Look, kids today are born into the world of computers, mobile phones, iPads, Internet, emails, SMS, online games, FB, Twitter, Google, Skype, YouTube and so on and so forth. All these are not bad for the kids … these are part of their lives (whether you like it or not) and are what they learn from, what they talk about in schools, what they share with their classmates, what they laugh about with their friends and what they enjoy doing while growing up.

On the same notion, people like me who were born before the digital era, we grew up fly-fighting kites on sharpened glass-laced strings, throwing slippers at pile of picture cards, sharpening the nails on spin-tops, squatting on dusty roads playing marbles, running helter-skelter from “chopping” balls, catching spiders in jungles, climbing barefooted up a coconut tree, swimming stark naked in rivers and mining ponds, scaling slippery boulders at waterfalls … we were born into these activities … they were important parts of our growing years. Were these bad for us? I definitely don’t think so.

Surfing the Internet may have some bad elements as to flying kites with sharpened glass-laced strings has dangerous elements associated with it … but one cannot deny the kids of the contemporary things they are born into and the gizmos of their age that provide the necessity and convenience for them to grow up with. Whether they are kids of today spending time on the computer or kids of my era playing marbles on a dusty road, it is only bad if you don’t how to exert caution, discipline, supervision and control over it.

Don’t be too fast to blame the digital age and say it is bad for the kids. The digital age made our lives a little more convenient, a little more entertaining, a little more interesting and a whole lot more easier. If you don’t agree, try asking your kid to use the log book (if you still remember what a log book is) to do Logarithms instead of a calculator or computer software … I hope you see my point.

Note : Some readers who are not familiar with Malaysian slang may not understand the word “lor” used in the above article. “Lor” is a local slang popularly used to imply “what else?”… so “study lor” simply means “study, what else?”

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The world don’t have to know

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Every year around this time (nearing Chinese New Year), I will get quite a number of calls from various people asking me if I want to make donations to various charity homes and centers. A few ask me to join them so that they can collect a total amount and make a donation to whatever charity homes or centers they have selected. My usual question is … why the need to collect from everyone and total it up to a big lump sum? Someone told me that way it looks better donating a bigger amount. Then my next question is … looks better for who?

What is the purpose of making a donation … to look good? So that you can show and tell everyone that you have done a very good deed and you want people to recognize you for that? Does it bother you if you are only making a small contribution … so you need to make a big donation to look better?

I am sure the intention is good and worthy and I am sure the charity homes and centers will benefit from the good initiative. But for me, I don’t make donation this way … as a matter of fact, I don’t like making donation this way at all. I don’t like the idea of people wanting to make a big donation so that “it looks better” for some reasons.

Please don’t call me and ask me to participate in your “it looks better” donation plan. I have my own idea of contributing to the unfortunate ones (if I do contribute any) … I may not have a lot to give but I give whatever I can afford to whoever I think needs it. That’s all I will tell you. And you don’t have to tell me about your donations and contributions to charitable causes … I don’t want to know and I have no reasons to appreciate it.

Really, at the end of the day, as long as you know and you feel good that you have done your part to help the unfortunate ones, that is enough … the rest of the world don’t have to know.

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I am a dog, not a cat … and you are my “god”

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I have been thinking back lately … way back … a few decades back and yes, I am that old already. I thought to myself, I am a very fortunate person … in many important turning points of my life, I met people who helped me unselfishly. Starting from primary school, I remember Puan Salleh, who was very fond of me (and knowing that my family was poor) made sure that I was given free school meals (oats and bread) during recess. Sometimes she even brings homemade sandwiches for me. She gave me my first story book called Aesob’s Fables … I must say that she actually got me started on reading.

When I started working (after secondary school), my very first job was an electrician. A couple of years into the job, one of my bosses, Mr Looi, asked me to leave the company … not that he wanted to fire me but he actually recommended me to work with his friend. He found out that I was quite good at drawing so he convinced me that I would be better off working as a draughtsman than an electrician. That provided a good stepping stone into the next level of my working life.

So what the hell all these have to do with dog, cat and “god”? Stay with me … read on.

From there, I moved on to a technical design job with an international British company … working under an English guy called Mr Philip Waldron who exposed me to all the technical design works in the construction industry. Mr Philip Waldron taught me well and recommended me for an overseas assignment in HongKong. I worked on one of the projects of the famous HongKong Shanghai Bank building. Back in those days, when you get sent overseas to work, it is a BIG thing! My father actually called for a “torng kai pai sun” (slaughter chicken to offer to the ancestors) thanksgiving session for the family. Really, it was that BIG!

The British company ceased operation during to the mid 1980s recession and I was paid off adequately. With a bit of money in hand, I decided to go back to study … and I went to study Commercial Arts for a year. After that I joined an advertising company doing mainly audio video production works. A couple of years with the company, Mr Harold Nettleton, a senior partner, encouraged me to try my luck in the corporate world … “join the client” as he put it. He said “Shiek, on the agency side, people pay, you run whereas on the client side, you pay, people run”. And I took his advice.

So, I applied for a Marketing position in a newly formed division of an insurance company. It was the biggest turning point of my life. Under the guidance of the division’s head Mr Tan Cheng Keang (or CK as we called him), I started my first job in the corporate world as a Marketing Executive. It was CK who gave me the opportunities to develop myself and moved from an Executive to a Manager of the Direct Marketing Department. After 5 years with the company CK left for higher career advancement and a few months later, I too decided to leave.

Hey, where is the dog, the cat and the “god”? Hang on … I will come to them soon.

I then formed an advertising design agency. Again, it was CK (now MD of his company) who gave me one of my first advertising contracts and many more to come. With the support from CK and other clients, I operated the company until the late 1990s when the financial crisis at that time forced me to close the agency. I applied for job in a Swedish automobile company and got myself back into the corporate world.

 A couple of years later another opportunity knocks on my door. It was CK again, who offered me a job in his company as a Brand Manager for a famous scotch whisky. Without any hesitation, I went to work with CK advancing my career to another level in the corporate world. Though it did not last very long, it turned out to be the best years of my working life … a very rewarding and satisfying four and a half years in the wines and spirits industry before I made a decision to call it a day ... that was almost 4 years ago.

Okay, here comes the dog, cat and “god” part … you see, I am like a dog … dogs, when you provide them with food, water, shelter and affection, they will think you are god.  I am not a cat because cats, when you provide them with food, water, shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods (an excerpt from a quote by the late Christopher Hitchens). As for "god”, I don’t really believe there is an invisible guy up there … so, the people I mentioned here and also many whom I did not mention (I am sure they know who they are), I want you all to know, you guys are my “gods” who have provided for me, helped me and guided me to where I am today. I thank you all sincerely from the bottom of my heart.

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My kids just don't listen !

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Parents out there, I am sure many (if not all) parents agree that your children (on most days) are good but can be difficult at times … stubborn, naughty, playful, hyperactive, quiet, talkative … all sorts. As parents we try our very best to bring them up in the best possible way we can … but sometimes we just don’t understand them. And how many times we have complained and said “My kids just don’t listen !”

I am not an expert … I don’t know of any “sure-win” formula or any tested method of raising good children. There are plenty of books out there that will tell you what to do and offer some good ideas to raise a good kid but I have yet to find one that offers how to teach the kids to listen. But then again, maybe you should not be too worried if they don’t listen. Why? 

Let me share something with you … I remember watching a promotional short story aired on national TV some years ago. The story was a about a couple with two children staying with an old man (grandfather of the kids). The scene shows the couple setting up for dinner while the kids were watching and they only set the table for 4 persons … another table was set up outside the house for the old man because he was disorderly due to his senility. Then the couple and the two children ate dinner at the dinner table while the old man ate his dinner alone outside.

The next scene shows the two children playing with toy tables and chairs while their parents were watching … and then the children playfully began to set up the toys tables and chairs for dinner. They set up a dinner table and then set up another table a distance away for two persons. And when their parents asked why another table was set up ... the kids simply replied it is for them (the parents) when they grow old. Now, I am sure you can see the strong emotional message here. Kids … whatever they see, they do.

Like all parents, I have the same problem. My kids don’t listen to me too but I am not too worried about that. The way I look at it … don’t worry too much if your kids are not listening to you, you should be more worried that they are watching you.

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I am “not there yet”

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Someone asked me why I decided to take life easy and slowed down while I am still at a “workable” age. He told me “You have to look forward, move forward, keep going, don’t slow down and if you still can, go for it”. I want to ask … move forward, keep going for what? Keep slogging for more so that I can show people that I have made it?

Back in the days when I was working with a luxury car company, I did some focus groups (research) on luxury car owners of a well known brand. I asked them what their thoughts were when they bought that expensive brand. All of them agreed that driving that particular brand, they are able to tell people the message “I have arrived” … meaning they have made it in life. 

Now, I don’t drive that particular expensive brand of luxury car nor do I own any other luxury car brands … I just cannot afford one. So what does that mean? I am “not there yet”? So I need to keep moving, keep working for more (while I am still "workable") … then I can show people that “I have arrived”? Nope ... that's not for me.

I looked and moved forward already … many years ago I set my goals, worked very hard, chased after my dreams … slowly, over the years, I managed to come to where I am now. Though I do not have anything to show but I too can proudly say that “I have arrived” to where I wanted to be. 

For now I can slow down. I don’t want to keep moving and chasing for more. I want to stay where I am, do what I enjoy and live the simple life the way I want. I am taking life and doing things at an easy pace. So I am staying put … that doesn’t mean I am slacking backwards in life … I am learning new things, absorbing new ideas and keeping up with new innovations that help make my life a lot easier.

Do I look forward now? Yes … I just look forward to a simple healthy life. That’s good enough. Don’t need to look forward too much … at my age if I looked a bit too far, I see death … now, I am definitely not looking forward to that. And for that matter, I am very glad to say I am “not there yet”.
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