I am a very careful person but …

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I bought a motorcycle a few of years ago … basically I wanted to use it to run around doing errands conveniently without having to worry about the traffic jams and parking spaces. It does move around conveniently but it also comes with higher risk of injury in the event of an accident.

While my family and many friends have no objection of me riding a motorbike, they however cautioned me seriously. They warned me to be careful and try not to use it on main roads and I told them “No worries, I am a very careful person”. Yes, they agreed that I am a very careful person but they told me it is the other drivers that are not careful.

And so it happened on 21^st March 2011 … I was on the way going to run some errands and I have to use a main road from Subang heading to Shah Alam. As I was slowing down to turn into the motorcycle lane, a speeding driver (did not see me slowing down) ran right into me from behind. I was thrown about 15 meters away and landed on the side of the road. And I don’t have to tell you what happened next.

To cut the story short, I landed in the emergency ward of Subang Jaya Medical Centre pretty battered. I got a deep gash (that required 8 stitches) on the back of my head, a blue-black eye, sprained shoulder and a very bruised back plus bruises, lacerations and cuts all over the body. Not to mentioned a smashed up motorcycle and the trouble of going in and out of the police station making the accident report and the hassle of making insurance claims.

 

I thank those who were praying for me … the injuries were not permanent or long term and I should recover. I probably need several weeks to be up and running again. It was while resting at home that I felt really scared thinking about the accident. I could have been killed and that’s it. While I am lucky to be able to sit up and write about this, I had my loved one worried like hell. My mom cried when she saw me all patched up and I felt really bad seeing her in tears. My wife has to put in a lot of extra effort to take care of me while I recover and my two children were so worried when they heard that I was in the hospital. All my friends who knew about this were also very concerned ... I brought them unnecessary worries and concerns.

This is a painful lesson learnt … yes I may be a very careful person but that doesn’t mean I can avoid accidents. I don’t think I will ride my motorbike into main roads again … I am not risking it. Not so much of me going through the painful recovery … it is the thought of the distress and grief that my loved ones will go through should anything severe happens to me.

I want to say sorry to those whom I have given unnecessary worries and concerns and thank all, especially my great wife, who is making a hell of an effort to help me recover.

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I don’t teach my kids to be clever

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I was talking to a friend over lunch not too long ago and we were talking about our kids. She said “Shiek, my kids are not clever lah”. I asked “Huh? What do you mean?” Then she told me that both her schooling kids did not obtain good results in school and she is a bit worried. She then asked me “How do you teach your children to be clever?”. I told her “Look, I don’t teach my kids to be clever”. In disbelief she then asked me “Don’t you want to teach your children to be clever?” I told her again “I meant what I have just said … I don’t teach my kids to be clever” … and the conversation went on with me explaining my point.

Now, don’t I want clever children? Of course I do but I don’t have the capabilities to teach my children to be clever. Honestly I am not a clever person myself … I don’t have any high paper qualifications. I studied up to “O” level … and even that, I only got Grade 2 in my MCE (Malaysian Certificate of Education) exams. So what do I have to teach my children to be clever? 

I tell you what I can teach my kids … I teach my kids to be filial, I teach my kids to be responsible and I teach my kids to have respect. I teach my kids discipline. I tell my kids to accept “NO”. I tell them to appreciate and make do with what they have. I tell them not to complain about their shoes because some people don’t even have legs. Now, if I can instill these values into them, then I think I have done a good job as a parent.

I once visited an old folk’s home and was told that a dentist left his mother at the facility some 9 years ago and has not visited her since … where is the filial piety? I have seen a college whiz kid shouting foul language at her mother just because her mother was a few minutes late picking her up … where is the respect? I heard of a mother who packs the school bag for her 13 year old “top-of-the-class” son EVERYDAY … now where is the responsibility? Sad isn’t it?

I let the schools, the colleges and the universities teach my kids to be clever … that is the role of these institutions. If they can turn my children in whiz kids, I will be the happiest father on the planet. If they can’t, I am fine too. I am OK if my kids don’t grow up to be doctors, professors or lawyers … really, that is not important.  The important thing is they grow up to be filial to the people that provided for them, responsible for what they do and have respect to the people around them.

We all want clever children … by all means put the kids into programs that will bring out their potential. But sometimes people are just so engrossed and focused on turning their kids into geniuses that they simply forgot how to teach their kids to be a better person.

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What is "old school"?

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I always say I am an “old school” type. Many people got it wrong and think that it means “old fashion”. NOPE … “old school” is NOT “old fashion”.

So, what is “old school”? OK, let me tell you from my point of view. “Old school” people like me have a preference for things from our era. The presence of the word “old” doesn’t mean we are outdated or obsolete. Though we may prefer some values and ideas that are from our generation, we did not stay behind … our mind set move along as we progress.

For example, I grew up with Madonna, Tina Turner and Shaun Cassidy … that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to appreciate Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face”, Katy Perry’s “Hot N Cold” and Justin Bieber’s “That Should Be Me”. I keep Pink Floyd, Queen and Deep Purple CDs in my car but I also love songs of Linkin Park, Jonas Brothers and Tokio Hotel on the radio.

We use the convenience of modern communication tools like Skype, Facebook, SMS and emails but we never let these modern necessities replace the true social quality of friends meeting up, gathering and getting together. “Old school” people like me still very much hold on to the essence togetherness.

Amidst the mushrooming modern cafes, the likes of Papparich, Old Town Kopitiam and other copycat outlets, we still prefer good old coffee shops that offer an aromatic cup of Kopi O” (black coffee) and the great taste of “roti bakar kaya” (toasted bread with coconut jam). But nevertheless we don’t mind a regular latte and butter croissant at Starbucks every now and then.

We may display the popular high fives, fist bumps and trendy gestures but we still uphold the importance and significance of a handshake … a simple gesture that is as good as a contract … an “old school” gesture that carries the virtues of trust, honesty and loyalty.

Put it this way … an “old school” person like me grasp the best of both worlds. On the one hand I still hold on to the values that cast out the basis of what I am today … on the other, I embrace the practicality and necessity of new ideas and new things as I move on in life. Like I said earlier … “old school” doesn’t mean that I am “old fashion”.

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Togetherness

 

Reunion … I guess more or less you know what I am talking about. Yes, Chinese New Year is just at the corner and I believe everyone celebrating Chinese New Year will be having reunion dinner with their families. Since the last few years, I have taken over the task of whipping out a grand meal for our reunion dinner. I am really looking forward it. Actually since last month my wife has been asking me what we should prepare for the dinner. I have a list worked out and I am sure my dinner guests will not be disappointed. But really it is not so much about what is on the table … it is about everyone getting together sharing, talking, joking, laughing and simply chatting the night away. It is about togetherness.

Every year it is not just my family’s reunion dinner that I look forward to … I also look forward to other reunions, gatherings and meetings (the social kind). One such activity is the annual gathering with my old schoolmates. Every year without fail we will gather together, talk, joke, share stories over a couple of beers. And then the night will carry on with a few games of poker. Over the years, some of us moved away, some migrated, some may have lost contact and some, for whatever reason, kept a distance. But for those who are still contactable, living in Malaysia or who comes back visiting, we made it a point to meet every year. We have been doing this since we left school in 1979 … 32 years and still going.

Then there are other get-together events with ex-colleagues, ex-college mates, fellow sport enthusiasts and club members. Most of these gatherings will be over lunch or dinner with the compulsory “lou sang” (prosperity themed fish salad) to celebrate success and prosperity for all.

I love attending these get-together events … it gives me a good feeling and more so during this festive period. Well, actually it doesn’t really matter whether it is a festive day or just another day of the year, whether it is with family members or friends, whether it is reunion, gathering or meetings … the important thing for me is the essence of togetherness … that is I what I really enjoyed.

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Big words

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While waiting for a friend at Starbucks, I overheard a corporate looking young guy, probably in his early twenties talking loudly on his phone. I can’t help listening and what caught my attention were the words he used in his conversation … big words.

I don’t remember exactly every word he said but some big words really caught my attention. He mentioned that he “invested over a million” in a food and beverage business. He also said that he just bought 2 units “high end property” in town. Then I remember he said that he is confident that he will get some “important clients” to provide “financial support” for some kind of project he was undertaking. He also told the person on the other end of the line that he has “wide network” and “strong connection”. He continued to say that he has “special relation” with someone in the state government and his “joint venture partner” is very well known in the country. He spoke for a quite a while delivering more fancy financial and business jargons. Fuyoh !!!  He must be some very important chap.  NAAAAHHH … I doubt it. Any person with a little bit of grey matter knows that it all sounded so artificial.

I am sure you see this quite often (maybe not as artificial as the guy I mentioned), people talking with big words and fancy business jargons. I have seen too many … some may be boasting and others trying to show off their successes. They like preaching these big words and are convinced that they are better carrying big words with them. By their tone and manner, the big words signify success, the big words suggest status, the big words symbolize power, the big words indicate wealth … and the big words make them important. 

Maybe some people really are big time successful individuals, maybe they do deal with big things in their lives. Hey, maybe that guy at Starbucks really has big things going for him. I don’t know. What I know is that things don’t always have to be big. The things that really matter are the smaller things. Be faithful in the small things because it is from there you draw out your real strength. And it is from the small things in life that you can find your true self.

I don’t really have big words … people may call it “high end property”, I call it a “home”. People may call it “wide networking”, I call it “friends”. People may call it “investment”, I call it “child’s education”. People may call it “strong connection”, I call it “family”. People may call it “important clients”, I call it “relatives”. People may call it “financial support”, I call it a “savings”. People may call it “special relation”, I call it “love”. And what people called a “joint venture partner” … hey, to me, that’s my wife.

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The best year

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There are only a few days left for the year and I must say as far as I could remember, 2010 is the best year for me in my entire 48 years of life. There were several bad days over the year but the rest were quite easy going, though at times it seems a bit sedated but they were mostly enjoyable days. Even though I am not working nowadays it doesn't mean I have nothing to do ... just that I am not paid to do things for other people now. So, I do have the luxury of time and the days seem a bit longer but I don’t mind it at all. I really enjoyed the rush-free, pressure-less day to day activities.

This year I am glad to have spent a great amount of time with my family, wife and kids and also had plenty of time for myself and my friends. I used to be just a father to my kids and a husband to my wife. But now from my kids, I learned that I don’t have to be just a father, I can enjoy being a child again building a stronger bond with them. For my wife I don’t just to hold the responsibility of a husband but I am also a good friend.

I used to put up a mask to face the world and many times I felt so lonely when it seems that the world walked out of me. Now I can be exactly who I am … no mask, no show … just myself and I found out that when others walked out on me, my friends walked in.

I had the time to read some very good books and tried out many mouth watering recipes to the delight of my dinner guests. Though I have gained a few good pounds but I am fitter and healthier than ever, trekking regularly and playing a few good games of badminton every weekend with my sporting friends. I learned to stop and smell the flowers, appreciate the wonderful nature and enjoy a healthy lifestyle.

I am looking forward to the next year and all the years to come. Though I may be an old school type but I am not an old fashion person. I accept changes, welcome new ideas and I will continue to learn to be a better person. I am sure there will be a lot of changes and new things as I move on year to year … some may be planned, some expected, some already happening and some may not even exist now. And then there will be more changes. I will be happy to accept, adapt and embrace whatever that is coming. Like I always say “I am happy in advance”. Why? Because now I am already happy (in advance) with whatever life throws at me tomorrow ... accept it, adapt it, make do with whatever that it has to offer and make the best of whatever I already have. 

So I am really looking forward to some good years ahead. And on second thought, I shouldn’t say 2010 is the best year of my life … actually the best year is yet to come. 

 

It is never enough for one’s greed

I was struck speechless in a conversation during a social gathering. A few of us were talking about success, how one defines and measures success. One of the guys in the conversation group said something which I thought was really arrogant. He introduced himself as a senior manager of a large stock broking firm. From his outlook and disposition, you can tell he is a show off.  What he said really show how materialistic a person can be.

In a quite a boastful manner, he said that how successful a person is, depends on how greedy that person can be. His exact words were “To be successful, a person must be greedy … must never say enough”. Then he continued bluntly “Like it or not success is measured materialistically”. Honestly, I have no good words for this person and I don’t want to argue about what he said. He can have his point of views.

Of course I totally disagree with what he said. Let me tell you my opinion on success, greed and what is enough. Everyone is different. I may have simple needs, maybe you may need a little more and others may need a lot less than you and I. But then there are people who live on greed.

I am not sure about others but I make do with what I need and just “fit” things into my life. To me, whatever situation I am in, I don’t really have to worry about the “need to haves”. Somehow I make do with what I have and I don’t really have to struggle. It is always enough. My success is measured by how I pull through every day with what I can afford.

It is actually the “nice to haves” that people struggle to get. And it is always not enough because greed is pushing them perpetually to “fill” things into their lives. Their success is measured by the things they have to show. They think they are happy. They have forgotten that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting things they don’t have but rather of appreciating things that they already have.

Do you measure success materialistically? Nah … I don’t think so. I give you a good example. To me, my dad is a very successful person but he has nothing to show except for an old car and an old flat. He worked hard all his life and provided his wife and 5 children with all that is needed but nothing more. He died penniless but he lived his life well and done his part as a husband, as a father, as a provider and as a protector of his family. He has many friends and everywhere he goes, people always welcome him. If you search for the word “success” in my dictionary, you will find a picture of my father there.

You tell me you don’t have enough? I tell you this … you can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy. It is always enough for one’s need but it is never enough for one’s greed. The great Mahatma Gandhi once said something similar. He said “There is sufficiency in the world for man’s need but not for man’s greed”.

It is good to know when to say it is enough because enough is as good as a feast.

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Of confidence, arrogance and stupidity

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Recently I met a guy I used to work with many years ago. I admired him because while struggling in the corporate world he was such a confident person full of enthusiasms. I worked with him for a while and I knew then he will go far. As I have expected, he is now a high level executive in an international company. I am glad to that he is successful now but on the other hand I am disappointed to see that he has turned into quite an arrogant person.

I really hate to see people who started well with confidence, believing in themselves and knowing that they are doing a good job but when they achieved success somehow they changed displaying arrogance. Too bad when someone has financial power, authority, status and influence, it is so easy to slip from confidence to arrogance. 

Maybe it is none of my business how people become when they are successful but let me talk a bit about confidence and arrogance. So what is confidence and what is arrogance?

I would say that those who are confident don’t need to tell others that they are confident. They just do what they are comfortable with and display their abilities without exaggerations.  On the other hand, those who are arrogant often compelled to show off and display an attitude telling everyone that they are the best. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance and many people often mistakenly displayed their arrogance thinking that they are showing confidence.

Let me put it this way ...  if you walk as if you rule the world and everyone has to know what you have done, that is arrogance. Confidence is when you walk as if you don’t care who rules the world and it is totally okay if other people knows nothing about what you have accomplished. 

Yes confidence is good but then there are those who are too confident. Too much confidence blinds them from common sense and leads them straight to stupidity. Let me tell you a joke to illustrate my point.

There was a man who was so confident of his religion and his faith in God that he was sure God is with him always and will help him through difficult times. One day his village was flooded and all the villagers left but he refused to leave. When the flood got worse, a boat came and offered to take him to safety but he refused to go saying “Don’t worry, God will come and save me”. Later another boat came to save him but again he refused to go saying “I have faith in God and I know God will come to save me”. When the flood water rises further, he went to the roof of his house and waited. Then another boat came by and again offered to save him but he refused yet again saying “I am very confident that God will come and save me soon”.

Finally he drowned, went to heaven and disappointedly said to God “I prayed to you every day, I lived my life religiously and have done nothing wrong. I have so much faith and confidence in you and yet you did not come to save me during the flood. Then God said “I am very glad that you have shown such great confidence in me but I can’t help you if you are plain stupid. Look, I tried to save you. I sent three boats to you but you just refused to get on to the boats!”. 

Do you see my point? I am sure you do.

We all have different views of things that we do and how we live our lives. I can only say that if we know how to tread between the lines of arrogance, confidence and stupidity, we will be a much better person. 

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