September 24, 2014

Don't come to my funeral

We all have friends ... childhood friends, school and college mates, neighbors, ex-colleagues, business associates and those friends of friends ... we can have plenty of friends but how many are really a friend? You certainly can’t say that all the social media friends are your friend right? You get what I mean?

So, my question is ... how can you say who is really a friend? At the very least, what does it takes to be a friend? To many, the question is very subjective and there isn’t any good and straight answer.

Let me tell you why do I want to ask this?

I went to a funeral recently ... I met the deceased many years ago, we had some business dealings when I was in the auto industry and we stayed in touch since then. He called me once in a while, had a few drinks ... I visited him for lunches when I was near his office and vice versa. When I heard that he was ill I called a few times to wish him well, we spoke briefly but later he was avoiding contact when his condition turned worse. I was not his best friend, not his good friend or his close friend. I can only say I was just a friend ... a friend who meets and calls him occasionally and write him a few words every now and then.

Now here is the gist of my story ... at the funeral, I was sitting with a few people who were talking about the deceased. A man who was doing most of the talking said he was a good friend (let me repeat ... a GOOD FRIEND) of the deceased and known each other for 30 years ... same school, same village and the likes ... seems like common talking points in such occasion. But then he said something that got me scratching my head ... he said he has not seen or talked to the deceased for the almost 7 years and heard about the passing just the night before the funeral. From what I gathered further, this man also did not know that the deceased got married, the deceased was ill for the almost 2 years and was even surprised to find out that the deceased lived just a few kilometers away from his house. Didn’t he just say that he is a good friend? Hmmmm ... does it make any sense?

I don’t know this man ... my opinion is, I don’t think he can say that he is a good friend of the deceased and I will take the context of what he said to illustrate a point.

My point is ... the man displayed no attention to the deceased for years ... he showed no clue and has no idea of the well-being of the deceased for the almost 7 years. Where is the simple empathy of being a friend and where is the notion of a friendship? I don’t think that is how a friend should be, let alone a good friend or a close friend. Really, I wonder why he even bothered coming to the funeral.

Let’s go back to my question earlier ... how can you say who is really a friend?

First, let me put it simply ...  as friends, let’s make an effort to meet, otherwise try to call each other every now and then ... or at the very least, write a few words in anticipation of a reciprocal effort from each other ... that is what friends should do. Not someone you don’t see or talk to for years, who suddenly decides to show up at your funeral.

And now let me put this bluntly ... in my case, if someone thinks that I am not worthy of at least few words from them while I am alive then there is no need for him or her to come see me when I am dead ... so, don’t come to my funeral. 


venkatesh raj said...

Nicely put chief! But I must I am one of those who don't call or meet up often but whenever I speak about work I always brag that I'm very lucky to have had clients like you..on two separate accounts as well!


Shiek Eng Meng said...

Raj ... you are always a friend ... friends like you just need to write me few bonding words every now and then ... that already is more than enough to hold the mutual thoughts and respect we had for each other ... cheers bro !!!