What is mine, is not me

I went to a friend's 60^th birthday party recently and a guest asked the birthday boy to describe his life in one word and he said … “blessed”. I think that word described him very well.

Now if you were to ask me to describe my life is one word … I would say … “simple”. Yes, I am a simple man … has been very simple, all my life.

Many will ask … how simple is simple? Or what exactly is simple? How do you define simple?

OK, this is my view … like many people, I worked hard and managed to build a rather comfortable life after I retired. I have a house, a car, some investments, some savings and many other material necessities to live easy and comfortably for the years to come.

So, that means simple?

No.

When I say I am simple … it is because I don’t define myself in association with the things I have.

But others may not share my view … some people want to be defined in association with the things they have. It is a way of showing their successes and achievements … they have every right to do that. And success brings luxury, class, status, prestige and recognition … that is their preferred definition of themselves or their lifestyle.

For me ... when I define myself, I define me … without embracing the things that I have. Yes, those things are mine but I cannot hold them close to me and say … “this is me”.

My point is … what is mine, is not me.

Bliss comes from within

Many years ago, someone said to me … “bliss comes from within, you don’t need to extract it externally from people or materials”.

You may want to ask … really?

Let me put it this way … most of us (apart from the unfortunate ones) have the ability to delve into three very important domains of life … memory, consciousness and imagination. As an intelligent human with this ability … we can generate various non-physical conditions of simple happiness within these three domains of life … we don’t need anything external do that.

External physical things are most likely accessories to provide us with certain convenience and comfortability for our modern livelihood.

Unlike comfort and convenience which are very much brought upon by physical things, simple happiness can come in a non-physical form. Not sure if you will agree with me but the way I see it … how happy you are, is not created by how big your house is, how luxury your holidays are, how fast your car can go, how much wealth you accumulated or how many people you have around you.

Hey, don’t get me wrong … you can indulge in external physical things from people or materials to bring pleasures of convenience, comfort and luxury to “enhance” your lifestyle … there is nothing wrong with it. You built your financial stability and wealth … you have every right to derive pleasures from your success.

My point here is … enjoying a happy life doesn’t have to take a lot … really, you just live with the simple happiness coming from within you … the non-physical things that you can derive from your memories, your awareness, your imagination … like healthiness, knowledge, understanding, peace of mind, nostalgia, reminiscence, sentimentality, patience, tolerance, bliss, warmth, satisfaction, contentment, delight, gratification, affection, compassion, cheerfulness, calmness, empathy, sympathy, easiness, simplicity and a lot more.

So really, simple happiness is already within you all the time, doesn’t matter where you are … whether alone in the jungle, at home with your loved ones or on a crowded street.

But if you are only happy when you extract pleasures externally from people or materials, then maybe you are just enjoying the pleasures from the convenience, comfort and luxury. Maybe you are just enjoying the accessories of life

You are not old ... just older

I have heard this many time … “I am old already” … in many conversations with those who are around my age, some much older and some who are in their 40s or even 30s.

Now, I want to ask … what makes you say you are old? At what age when you are considered old?

I am not sure if there is a global standard that uses age to classify people under the “old category” … in Malaysia, we classify people as “senior citizen” when they reached 60 years of age.

The next question is … does “senior citizen” means old? Some say yes … others might not agree.

Yes, everyone gets older, nothing can change that … don’t be fooled by those “anti-aging” or “age reversal” advertising slogans. You cannot reverse the law of nature … period.

People tends to say that they are old or they feel old when they are unable to do the things that they used to do … especially the physical things. We are not superhumans or immortals … as we aged, we will lose some of our physical abilities and mental abilities too.

Does it mean that if someone don’t have the physical ability to do certain things that he or she used to do, then he or she is considered old?

For those who may not be able to run a marathon anymore, maybe they can still walk in the forest or in a park. It is OK if one cannot play football or basketball … hey, you can still swing a golf club, hit a shuttle or bat a ping pong ball on a table.

There will be a time when you won’t be able to engage in energetic physical activities … but then, there are always less strenuous activities like tai chi, qigong and other forms of activity that one can learn. What about playing music, singing, photography, draw, paint, board or card games or internet games? And last but not least, one can read and write. All these can make your life a bit more interesting and a bit more meaningful … that is what I call “living a life”.

As you aged, you will have to adjust and change your lifestyle to do the things that are within your physical and mental capacities. As long as you are always active, able and willing to adapt or learn to keep yourself functional with things that you can do within your capabilities … yes, you will be older but I don’t think you will feel old.

One will feel old only when one gives up living a life. I am not sure about others but my opinion is that old is not to be defined by years. The way I see it … one will get older but not necessarily old.

Maybe next time, instead of saying … “I am old” … just say … “I am older”. 

The Power Of Not Knowing

The power of not knowing … huh? What’s that ?

Now, what has been commonly taught all the while is that knowledge is power … with knowledge you can make correct knowledge based and information driven decisions as well as calculated risks.

So what is this contrary idea of “power of not knowing” ?

Well, this is not something new … it has been a while since people started talking about it but it is now gathering a bit of momentum and is spreading among the so called “new” generation of thinking.

Look at it this way … when you do not know, what will you do?

You ask, you question, you seek and hopefully you will find. It is OK to be in the state of not knowing but there must be the willingness to question and keep questioning … that is where the power is.

No one can say he or she knows everything. Errrrrr wait … well, except for a guy whom I used to work with … he thinks that he knows everything but I don’t think so. I think half of what he said was untrue and the other half was rubbish. However, we did agree on one thing … it is best that we stay away from each other.

Those who think that they know everything … they are always a little too full of themselves believing that they are a little too clever for the good of others. Well, I am sure like me, you must have met one or two such people.

Anyway … don’t worry if you don’t know. Not knowing is powerful if you are willing to question, seek and find out. This is a change of mindset and there is nothing wrong in not knowing ... it is not a disadvantage. The power of not knowing drives us to be deliberately curious and if we are always in that state of mind, the potential of learning and knowing more is almost unlimited.

It is OK to say “I don’t know” … there are so many things in this world that we don’t know. There are new breakthroughs, sightings, findings, innovations and inventions every day and more to be discovered. Maybe we don’t know now but if we keep questioning ... we will find out and we will know more.

There are times when we question but we may not have the answers yet ... like for thousands of years, human asked why the sun disappears during a certain period … it was only not long ago that we were given the real answer of a solar eclipse. So, it is absolutely OK to question and not get the answers now … rather than given the answers and not allowed to question.

After I have retired, I asked myself … I have the luxury of time, living an easy and free lifestyle … what drives me now? What do I know, what can I do and what keeps me going? And I realised that even though I have lived more than half a century … I don’t know shit really.

But with the time I have (I think I have a good several years more to live), with the convenience of global travel, wide internet connection and communication ... plus the enormous capability of online search engines … I can question and I will question, find and seek what I do not know.

As you can see … it is not what I already know … it is what I don’t know that really drives me … taking me out further, keeping me active, spreading my variety, expanding my views and changing my thinking.

Hmmmm ... really ?

I don’t know.

An art of not giving a fuck!

I must admit that I am an oddball with remnants of some “hainan wind” (craziness) inherited from my ancestors … short fused at times, stubborn, sarcastic with an acerbic tongue and very direct … I don’t mince my words, I say it like it is. I won’t deny it … I have weaknesses.

So, many people don’t like me and that is why I don’t have a lot of friends … at times I have to dwell alone. That is OK … yes I am alone but I am not lonely.

It is absolutely alright if people don’t like me … I don’t live on their likings. They choose to only harp on my weaknesses and complained that I will drag them down. Well, I cannot do anything if they want to put it that way. And some want to talk behind my back … if that is what they like to do, that is where they will always be … behind me. I don’t give a fuck anyway.

But then again there are people who will tolerate me … why? Because I also have my strengths … they tap on my strengths but they are also willing to tolerate my weaknesses … I call it good bonding. We know how to “tango” with each other to any tunes, be it good or bad. These are the people that are willing embrace all of me but there are only a few.

I can say that I have done quite a bit over the years to keep the rapport active, to get people close and to build the bond of togetherness but was not appreciated, instead people took it for granted. I will stop … there is some truth in the saying … “people don’t notice the things you do for them until you stop doing them”.

So now, I wake up every day to make myself happy, to make my loved ones happy and I stay with those who accept me lock, stock and barrel. For the rest of the people … I don’t give a fuck! Why? It is not that I don’t care … they don’t.

I don’t care about losing people who don’t want to be in my life anymore, I have lost people who meant the world to me and I am doing just fine.

So, as you can see, I have learned something … some call it a mindset, others call it a type of thinking ... I call it an art … an art of not giving a fuck!

Adopting

In a casual talk after our badminton games, we somehow came to subject about striking a multi-million prized lottery. It was about a news report that a retired person won one of the biggest lotteries in the country and then someone asked … “what would you do if you win 30 million dollars?”

Of course, there were many suggestions and ideas of what to do with 30 millions dollars. Some said that they will pay all their debts, buy a bigger house, a sports car, enjoy some luxuries, invest the money, share their winnings and last but not least donate some of the winnings to help the poor. We had good laughs and joked about it … we all know the chance that anyone among us would strike the next big lottery is next to impossible.

But later that night as I was laying on my bed, the question came into my mind again … “what will I do if I win the lottery?”

Now let me be frank … there are a lot of things I will do. I will use the extra money to make things better for me and my loved ones … a better home, better school for my children, more budget the family expenditures and allow some things which I cannot afford before.

But there is also one more thing that I will consider … adopting an orphan or even two.

Really???

Yes, seriously ... not that I have to wait until I win a lottery to do it but if my financial capability allows, I will consider adopting. Why?

Simply because I think I can help provide one or two unfortunate children a normal life, a place where they can grow up with love and affection, go to school and have a sense of belonging like any other kids.

I read about many successful rich people building orphanages, charity homes and welfare centres … I admire these people. They helped to make the world better. I won’t be able to do things like that … those are big commitments that needs more than just money and care … they must have organisational expertise, good administration and proper management.

But I can raise children … I am an experienced parent. I am hands on in bringing up my own children … two wonderful kids. Even though they are not the most clever kids among their peers, they are good, kind and well behaved children. So, if I have the means and financial capability, I will consider adopting one or maybe two unfortunate kids… if the authority's criteria allow me to do so.

The idea of adopting unfortunate orphans came from a girl I met many years ago. It was in 1988 when I was on a photography assignment where I met a German girl who was holidaying here. We became friends and exchange views about many things and one thing that she told me showed that she is a very kind and thoughtful person. She told me that she will get married when she goes back to Germany. I wish her the best and may she be blessed with beautiful kids soon.

Then her reply surprised me … she said that she won’t be having any kids. Let me clarify a bit more … actually she said that she won’t be having kids OF HER OWN but she will adopt. Not that she cannot have kids of her own … she told me that she and her husband-to-be have decided that they will adopt and raise unfortunate orphans … maybe one, two or even three depending on their ability as they move along.

She is a remarkable person and I have great respect for her. She has this beautiful unselfish idea … rather than having and raising kids of her own, she wants to dedicate her time, affection and resources to help and raise unfortunate orphans and let these kids have a good, normal and proper environment to grow and fit into the society.

I learned something great from this remarkable girl … I have not met anyone since who told me anything similar and I don’t think there are many people like this out there. Though I have lost contact with her but I am sure she is now somewhere raising one, two or even more beautiful adopted children.

Really, I hope that more people can take up the idea of adopting unfortunate orphans. Well, maybe some people have the thoughts but they don’t have the means and capability yet ... so, keep that thought for now and consider it seriously if and when you are able to.

LEARN, UNLEARN and RELEARN

Many people at my age (I will be 57 next month), having worked for decades want to believe that they know everything under the sky. The experiences they went through, the people they have met and the things they have learned throughout the years made them think that they know almost everything. They walk as if they ruled the world … there is a joke for this kind of people.

A wife (or vice versa) puts up an advertisement :

I am sure you have met people like this and heard them brag to younger people … “young man, what do you know … I eat salt more than you eat rice”. Sorry for the broken English, it’s a direct translation from Cantonese. I am sure you can understand what it means.

But really … how much salt have you eaten?

Let me use my late father as an example … look, I am not trying put down my father’s work, he was a great person but this is a fact. My late father was a mechanic … he started to learn about cars and lorries at the age of 16 and worked for 39 years before he retired. Really … he can just listen to the sound of the engine, smell the exhausted smoke and more or less he can tell you what is wrong with it. And he was right 9.9 out of 10 times.

Now did my father really have 39 years of experience on cars and lorries? NO !!! Why? He may have worked 39 years as a mechanic but he only worked on the same type of engines with the same mechanical process. So, really … he repeatedly did the same thing over and over for 39 years. Did he really know a lot about cars and lorries? NO, he did not … he only had experience on a certain type of engine in cars and lorries. My father did not move with the changes in automotive industry, he did not learn as the industry progressed and changed … so, even after 39 years as a mechanic, his experience was only limited to old combustion engines.

My point is … we may have worked for years … living our lives for decades, doing things day in, day out and yes, we gather years of experiences on things … but did we really LEARN as we move on? Unfortunately, many did not. Many were repeatedly doing things over and over again.

I don’t like it when I hear the elders bragging to the younger people … “I eat salt more than you eat rice” … I respect the elders for what they have been through, experienced and for what they have learned. But I think one must continue to LEARN and must be able to UNLEARN and RELEARN … not being stuck at a point repeatedly doing and telling people the same things over and over again.

So, what to learn, unlearn and relearn? There are many things we can work on ... it ranges from attitude to thinking to beliefs to logic.

First of all … it is not how much you have experienced … the attitude of “I eat more salt than you eat rice” must to be dropped. The elders now have to learn from the younger people. What you may have taken 30 years to accumulate can now be absorbed by the younger generation in just 5 years. Yes, it is that fast and if you are still repeatedly telling people what you did 30 years ago, you are already obsolete.

Next, the thinking … our thinking must move progressively. Many of us are still very “old school” in our thinking. That is not wrong … we can be sentimental and appreciate some “old school” ways doing things but don’t confuse it with the “old fashion” ways of doing things. But very sadly, in today’s modern society … there are still some “old fashioned” parent who practice gender bias among their sons and daughters. I called them SLITS … “Still Living In The Sixties”.

Then the beliefs … and this is my personal opinion. Many don’t want to unlearn what they were told in their beliefs as written in a sacred book and it is what their fore fathers have followed and it cannot be questioned. They have been told that it is the right thing and it has been like that for many years.

But the reality is … as more and more revelations from science and historical facts are accepted … many beliefs have been questioned. Scientists, historians and researchers have revealed many facts that contradict certain beliefs. In many modern countries … their people, especially the younger generations are doing away with many beliefs ... including some with religious notions.

Last but not least … the logic (or rather the lack of it) … in the world of new and modern thinking … I like to question the logic of certain practices. For example … some of my relatives burned fake paper-made smart phones to their great grandparents who died long before Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone. Some told me it is the tradition while other said that it is their beliefs … but to me, whatever it is, there is no logic really … it doesn’t make sense at all.

Now, maybe you will disagree with me on certain things that were mentioned, that is absolute OK but I think we can all agree that we must continue to learn … very likely we will learn a lot more from the younger generations. Then there are also things we must unlearn … things that used to be true but have changed, that will significantly affect our decision making as we progress forward. And of course, there are things that we must relearn based on new trends, new facts, new findings and acceptable logic.

So, how much salt have you eaten? Really, we will never have enough salt … we will continue to eat salt … until the day we become a “harm yu” (salted fish) … pun intended ... for those who don’t know, “harm yu” is a Cantonese pun meaning a dead person.