A few new things but one that I am glad has not change a bit

And yes, it is the last day for the year for 2019 … as per what many people said … the year passed so quickly. Some are quite happy to welcome the new year but there are others who wished that they have more time to do a few more things.

For me … I am looking forward to the new year. In the last 12 months, I can say that the time were well spent. No major hiccups … day in day out, everyone was actively busy and things moved as they should … actually many things turned out to be better than I expected.

There were many new things … most are just simple small things and events, not much to talk about really. Hmmm … let me think again … maybe there are a few that I think are interesting enough to share.

Let’s see …
  

They don’t grow up, you can’t grow old 
At the beginning of the year, my daughter started her tertiary education after obtaining a fairly good O-level result. She was accepted into a local Australian “affiliated” university … that is as close as she can get to study in a good private university and that is all I can afford. She will do a one-year foundation studies before going for her degree.

 

First day to university

If my dad is still alive, he will probably “torng kai pai sun” (slaughter the chicken to offer to the ancestors) and will host a dinner event for the whole "kampung" to celebrate. Yes, this is another big event for the Shiek’s family … but we celebrated it simply among ourselves.

And a few months later, she passed her driving test too albeit having to do it a second time. I am so happy for her.

So now, both my kids are pursuing their degrees … this is a very important moment for me … this is what most parent worked so hard for … to be able to send their children to universities.

Come to think about it … I was hoping that I could slow down a bit now, relax and enjoy. But nope, not yet … a few more years to go. You see ... children, if they don’t grow up … you can’t grow old. 

Though it is a more relax and slower form, it is by no means any easier

OK … I picked up taiji, again. This time, Huang Style Taiji to be exact. I joined the local Huang Taiji Association and started taiji classes at a school just about 10 minutes away from my house.

I said “again” because I used to practice the Chen Style Taiji many years ago at the well-known Thean Hou Temple. Chen styled taiji is a more aggressive form of taiji. That was during my early working days but I somehow gave up after a year into it as I was busy with work and other priorities.

At the beginning of this year, I found out that the Huang Taiji Association was organizing classes nearby and so I enrolled. Learning a more “relax” form of taiji is a lot more enjoyable for me at 57. I must say that though it is a more relax and slower form, it is by no means any easier.

After 10 months with the association, I have just completed the short form and is currently going through some corrections with the master and hopefully after the corrections … with the blessing of the master, I can proceed to the long form soon. 

Three naughty ones and an old Madame

After adopting Cha Cha and Tango in 2017 … we were quite into felines. They brought much joy to the family but unfortunately Cha Cha decided to leave the house after she was about a year old and since then we have not seen him … I hope he is happy on his own.

So when a friend asked if I would like to adopt another cat, I was very quick to say yes and we got Samba who was about 6 months old in February. Samba was quite a jumper … we could not keep her inside the house and just before we got her spayed, she got pregnant and gave birth to 4 kittens on the 25^th of May.

As the kittens grew … we thought of giving them away. Soon one was adopted but then we decided to keep the rest. It all went quite well but unfortunately 3 months later, Samba was killed one morning … she was knocked down by a car when she ran across the road chasing a squirrel. We were very sad and the three kittens lost their mom. It took us a while to get over the loss of Samba.

Now the three kittens are all grown up displaying many similar traits like their mother. Mulan, Luna and Tinkerbell … with their individual casual, lazy, cheeky, playful and curious antics ... they always bring joy, fun and laughters to the family.

The old Madame

And let me not forget the “old” Tango who is now the Madame of the family … who likes to be treated like a queen and always announce her arrival with a long, low toned “meowwwww” every time she stroll into the house. Strange ... Tango rather stay close to our two dogs, Bebe and Pepper, than the three of her kind … and she likes dog food too! 

I like her because my son likes her

My son is 20 years old … he is almost finishing the 2nd year of his degree course and moving into the 3^rd year come 2020.

One day in June my son was all dressed up and just before he goes out, he said to me … “wish me luck dad". I asked him what is it all about and he told me that he is going to ask a girl out and he said … “you know, she is a hainanese girl”.

 

The hainanese girfriend

You see … I am a very open when it comes to teenage or young adult relationships … so, I do not stop my kids from having a bf/gf relationship while they are in school … my only condition is that it must not affect their studies in any way whatsoever.

To cut the story short, my son managed to ask the girl out and they are now “together”. Nothing serious but it is something that kids have to go through in their teenage life. After an initial few “shy” weeks … Rachel, (as she is called) has become quite a regular in our family now … we see her almost every week.

I like her … not because she is hainanese but I don’t deny that being a hainanese do create a bit of closeness. Really, I like her because my son likes her. I hope they have something meaningful together. But then again … my experience always tells me … first love seldom last.

Errrrr … sorry son, not that I want to pour cold water on you … I am just being honest but I hope I am wrong! 

The same old Mrs Shiek

Though many new things happened in the last 12 months … one thing did not changed … Mrs Shiek is still very much the same old Mrs Shiek.

But I like it that way … really, I do.

Mrs Shiek is still very much nearby … she is always close to me. I am very glad to know this. There were a few times throughout the year that I was sick with flu and infections … it was always Mrs Shiek who made sure that I was properly fed and comfortably rested.

She is still very much the same “all able” mother to everyone including the 4 cats and 2 dogs. Things around the house get organized and moved like clockwork with her constant nagging, occasional mood swings and tantrums. Those are the forces she harnessed to drive everything into their respective spaces and make everything works out well and proper in our home.

Me and Mrs Shiek

While both of us do throw a curve or two at each other every now and then … but that does not change anything at all. That is just how things work in our home and I do not want Mrs Shiek to change a bit.

Thank you my dear for being the same old Mrs Shiek!

So, as I have said earlier, I am looking forward to a new year … to learning new things, creating new events, trying new ideas, visiting new places, meeting new friends … so on and so forth. The important thing is … stay actively busy and keep learning.

I wish everyone "Happy New Year" and may the best be with you always!

Step out of the tank

As people gets older … many tend to limit themselves (consciously or unconsciously) and draw back a bit, taking life easy. After years of hard work, it is time for them to relax and enjoy a slower pace in life in their later years. That seems to be the norm when people stop working and live their hard-earned retired life. 

Look, there is nothing wrong here but the sad part is … many also stop learning. Maybe I put it this way … there are people who like to think that they know enough already and some even think that there is nothing in the world that they do not know. Yes, I have seen one too many such people. 

These people are actually backing themselves into their customized zone of comfort and beliefs … a place where they are comfortable in, with what they already know … believing that there is nothing or very little outside their zone that they need to know. In other words … they stop learning or maybe they don’t want to learn. You can identify these people … they keep talking about the things they were good at in their past and re-telling them in many of their conversations.

Then there are those who are afraid to learn. To them, maybe it is too troublesome … maybe they are simply lazy, there is no initiative ... some even think that there is no incentive for them to learn. Whatever they already know is enough for them to live their remaining years. And they too, put themselves into a their own customized zone among the likes.

There is a saying … we don’t stop learning until the day we die. With time, resources and the convenience of modern communication facilities, one can learn so much more … there is a lot outside your comfortable zone if you are willing to take it on.

You see ... learning does not mean you have to do rocket science, understands world politics or make new discoveries. Learning can be very simple, yet meaningful.

Read a book … new stories or old histories … there are plenty to know. Travel … not for pictures but for the understanding of the people and cultures around the globe. Cook … learn a new recipe to please your loved ones or try an old recipe to preserve the familiar taste. Pick up a skill … maybe learn to play the flute or other musical instruments that you fancy. How about taiji, qigong or maybe line dancing? Draw … explore your creativity. These are just a few examples … there are so many more simple and meaningful things that one can learn.

And what you have learned will surely be passed on … maybe you don’t realize it but when you interact with people … discuss, explain, express, illustrate or demonstrate … whether in talking or writing or in other forms of interaction … your knowledge, ideas, thoughts, experiences can and will be passed on … it is a form of teaching.

Yes, you are now living an easy life … laid back, comfortable and relaxed, but don't stop learning. I am sure you heard people say this before … if you put a shark in a tank, it will grow 8 inches but if you let it roam in the ocean, it will grow 8 feet.

You are only limited to the tank that you put yourself in. There is a vast and fast changing ocean outside … so, step out of the tank and keep learning … you will be a better person.

好心需要好报吗? Let me ask … is it kindness or is it business?

Lately a friend asked me to donate some money to help a person who was very ill and needed some financial assistance to get proper medical care. I gave whatever I can afford and my friend thanked me and said … "好心有好报" … meaning if you do something good, you will get good returns.

I asked her … "好心需要好报吗?"

Then I told her …"好心不需要好报"  … she looked at me strangely and asked me why? I did not explain then … just said that I do not need any form of returns whatsoever.

It is very common to hear people say … "好心有好报"… but the way I see it, when you do something to help the needy or the unfortunates … don’t expect anything in return. When you offer to help someone or provide for the needy or do charity activities thinking that there will be some form of returns … that is NOT kindness, that is business.

Is it kindness or is it business ?

Why are we giving and why are we helping? Because we have enough, because we are able to and because we want to. Because others must have helped us already in some points of our lives and in some sort of ways … directly or indirectly so that we are now able, capable and have enough to help to others. Really, we received the "好报" already.

So, when we do "好心" … we don’t need to ask for "好报" anymore … we just hope that the person that we helped will in turn help other unfortunate people as and when he or she becomes able and capable. I think that is how it should work.

The next time when you offer to help or provide for the needy or donate to charity … don’t expect anything in return in any form whatsoever … if you do, you are not doing kindness … you are doing business.

Remember … "好心不需要好报"

What is takes to be healthy

Many people in their mid-years are particularly concerned about their health. Most will start to dedicate a bit more time for activities to keep themselves healthy. Different people will do different things to stay as healthy as possible so that they could enjoy their lives actively as they move into their later years.

There are many outdoor and indoor activities, exercises, workouts and sports that people can do that may help improve their health. But then, healthy is not just about doing these activities and doing them frequently.

You see, some people are very passionate about the sports they like … they run marathons almost every other week. There are those who hike and trek into high mountains every week and some who travel the world to conquer famous mountains and high base camps several times a year.

No doubt they are very passionate with what they do but does it make them more healthy doing it so frequently and so passionately? While they must be healthy to hike up to the various base camps in the Himalayas … but, whether hiking to the base camps frequently will make them any healthier, that is questionable.

My thought is, no … that won’t make them any healthier and if they keep pushing … on the contrary, it may cause some serious damages. But that is the price many are willing to pay for their passion … I admire them for their passions.

It does not mean that when you do some physical activities regularly and consistently then you will be healthy … no, it takes more than that.

So, what it takes to be healthy?

To stay healthy, there are various aspects to look at … such as the mental state, physical activities, daily intakes and habitual postures.

First … the mental state has to stay active. Our minds must always be thinking, absorbing, processing and analysing. It must be actively remembering (memories), alerting (conscious) and creating (imagination). How to keep your mind active? Whether it is writing, reading, thinking, meditating, reciting or playing various mind games … that is up to the individual.

Our mental state must also be at peace and at ease. Moods and feelings affected by stress, pressure, worries, fear, angry, misery or depression have serious effect on our health.

Then the physical activities … this is most common to all. Some will take up running, some cycling and others will go trekking or hiking. Many works out at the gym, do aerobics and other exercises. There will be those who chose indoors sports like badminton, squash, swimming, table tennis or even basketball and some will learn tai chi, qigong or yoga. Others who like fun and entertaining will do line dances, folk dances or other form of performing activities.

All of them have one thing in common … to be active and healthy. But remember, one may be very passionate about certain activity and may do it too frequently … that is not necessarily good. Over doing it, especially the more strenuous activities, is not healthy.

Next is daily intakes … the food that we eat every day. We often over indulge ourselves with good tasty food and good tasty food is, more often than not, bad for our health. So, in keeping ourselves healthy, we must be conscious and aware about our daily consumption … what to eat more, what less … what to avoid and what to supplement. This is a very important, as the saying goes … “we are what we consume”.

Last but not least are the habitual postures … you see, many are unaware that some of our everyday poses or postures like the way we sit, stand, sleep, squat, bend, lift or carry, walk, twist and turn are not correct and can adversely affect us in many ways. These bad poses and postures will cause a lot of damages and harm to our joints, bones and other supporting structure of our body. To have a healthy body framework, we must learn to correct some of our postures. If not changed or corrected, these oblivious faulty habits can cause long term discomfort or even injuries to our support structure as we age into the later years.

So really … there are a few aspects that we must look at with regards to good health … stay alert mentally, be active physically, attentive of the daily intakes and correct the bad habitual postures so that we can enjoy a healthy lifestyle for as long as we can.

(Hmmm … thought of something off-putting, should I write it?)

Ahhhhhh, what the heck ... here comes the cold water!

Well … it will come a day where we will die of health related issues … apart from those in accidents. No matter what we do, the organs will stop functioning and our health will deteriorate. And we will die of health failure … agree? I mean, I have not heard of anyone who died healthily, have you?

What is mine, is not me

I went to a friend's 60^th birthday party recently and a guest asked the birthday boy to describe his life in one word and he said … “blessed”. I think that word described him very well.

Now if you were to ask me to describe my life is one word … I would say … “simple”. Yes, I am a simple man … has been very simple, all my life.

Many will ask … how simple is simple? Or what exactly is simple? How do you define simple?

OK, this is my view … like many people, I worked hard and managed to build a rather comfortable life after I retired. I have a house, a car, some investments, some savings and many other material necessities to live easy and comfortably for the years to come.

So, that means simple?

No.

When I say I am simple … it is because I don’t define myself in association with the things I have.

But others may not share my view … some people want to be defined in association with the things they have. It is a way of showing their successes and achievements … they have every right to do that. And success brings luxury, class, status, prestige and recognition … that is their preferred definition of themselves or their lifestyle.

For me ... when I define myself, I define me … without embracing the things that I have. Yes, those things are mine but I cannot hold them close to me and say … “this is me”.

My point is … what is mine, is not me.

Bliss comes from within

Many years ago, someone said to me … “bliss comes from within, you don’t need to extract it externally from people or materials”.

You may want to ask … really?

Let me put it this way … most of us (apart from the unfortunate ones) have the ability to delve into three very important domains of life … memory, consciousness and imagination. As an intelligent human with this ability … we can generate various non-physical conditions of simple happiness within these three domains of life … we don’t need anything external do that.

External physical things are most likely accessories to provide us with certain convenience and comfortability for our modern livelihood.

Unlike comfort and convenience which are very much brought upon by physical things, simple happiness can come in a non-physical form. Not sure if you will agree with me but the way I see it … how happy you are, is not created by how big your house is, how luxury your holidays are, how fast your car can go, how much wealth you accumulated or how many people you have around you.

Hey, don’t get me wrong … you can indulge in external physical things from people or materials to bring pleasures of convenience, comfort and luxury to “enhance” your lifestyle … there is nothing wrong with it. You built your financial stability and wealth … you have every right to derive pleasures from your success.

My point here is … enjoying a happy life doesn’t have to take a lot … really, you just live with the simple happiness coming from within you … the non-physical things that you can derive from your memories, your awareness, your imagination … like healthiness, knowledge, understanding, peace of mind, nostalgia, reminiscence, sentimentality, patience, tolerance, bliss, warmth, satisfaction, contentment, delight, gratification, affection, compassion, cheerfulness, calmness, empathy, sympathy, easiness, simplicity and a lot more.

So really, simple happiness is already within you all the time, doesn’t matter where you are … whether alone in the jungle, at home with your loved ones or on a crowded street.

But if you are only happy when you extract pleasures externally from people or materials, then maybe you are just enjoying the pleasures from the convenience, comfort and luxury. Maybe you are just enjoying the accessories of life

You are not old ... just older

I have heard this many time … “I am old already” … in many conversations with those who are around my age, some much older and some who are in their 40s or even 30s.

Now, I want to ask … what makes you say you are old? At what age when you are considered old?

I am not sure if there is a global standard that uses age to classify people under the “old category” … in Malaysia, we classify people as “senior citizen” when they reached 60 years of age.

The next question is … does “senior citizen” means old? Some say yes … others might not agree.

Yes, everyone gets older, nothing can change that … don’t be fooled by those “anti-aging” or “age reversal” advertising slogans. You cannot reverse the law of nature … period.

People tends to say that they are old or they feel old when they are unable to do the things that they used to do … especially the physical things. We are not superhumans or immortals … as we aged, we will lose some of our physical abilities and mental abilities too.

Does it mean that if someone don’t have the physical ability to do certain things that he or she used to do, then he or she is considered old?

For those who may not be able to run a marathon anymore, maybe they can still walk in the forest or in a park. It is OK if one cannot play football or basketball … hey, you can still swing a golf club, hit a shuttle or bat a ping pong ball on a table.

There will be a time when you won’t be able to engage in energetic physical activities … but then, there are always less strenuous activities like tai chi, qigong and other forms of activity that one can learn. What about playing music, singing, photography, draw, paint, board or card games or internet games? And last but not least, one can read and write. All these can make your life a bit more interesting and a bit more meaningful … that is what I call “living a life”.

As you aged, you will have to adjust and change your lifestyle to do the things that are within your physical and mental capacities. As long as you are always active, able and willing to adapt or learn to keep yourself functional with things that you can do within your capabilities … yes, you will be older but I don’t think you will feel old.

One will feel old only when one gives up living a life. I am not sure about others but my opinion is that old is not to be defined by years. The way I see it … one will get older but not necessarily old.

Maybe next time, instead of saying … “I am old” … just say … “I am older”. 

The Power Of Not Knowing

The power of not knowing … huh? What’s that ?

Now, what has been commonly taught all the while is that knowledge is power … with knowledge you can make correct knowledge based and information driven decisions as well as calculated risks.

So what is this contrary idea of “power of not knowing” ?

Well, this is not something new … it has been a while since people started talking about it but it is now gathering a bit of momentum and is spreading among the so called “new” generation of thinking.

Look at it this way … when you do not know, what will you do?

You ask, you question, you seek and hopefully you will find. It is OK to be in the state of not knowing but there must be the willingness to question and keep questioning … that is where the power is.

No one can say he or she knows everything. Errrrrr wait … well, except for a guy whom I used to work with … he thinks that he knows everything but I don’t think so. I think half of what he said was untrue and the other half was rubbish. However, we did agree on one thing … it is best that we stay away from each other.

Those who think that they know everything … they are always a little too full of themselves believing that they are a little too clever for the good of others. Well, I am sure like me, you must have met one or two such people.

Anyway … don’t worry if you don’t know. Not knowing is powerful if you are willing to question, seek and find out. This is a change of mindset and there is nothing wrong in not knowing ... it is not a disadvantage. The power of not knowing drives us to be deliberately curious and if we are always in that state of mind, the potential of learning and knowing more is almost unlimited.

It is OK to say “I don’t know” … there are so many things in this world that we don’t know. There are new breakthroughs, sightings, findings, innovations and inventions every day and more to be discovered. Maybe we don’t know now but if we keep questioning ... we will find out and we will know more.

There are times when we question but we may not have the answers yet ... like for thousands of years, human asked why the sun disappears during a certain period … it was only not long ago that we were given the real answer of a solar eclipse. So, it is absolutely OK to question and not get the answers now … rather than given the answers and not allowed to question.

After I have retired, I asked myself … I have the luxury of time, living an easy and free lifestyle … what drives me now? What do I know, what can I do and what keeps me going? And I realised that even though I have lived more than half a century … I don’t know shit really.

But with the time I have (I think I have a good several years more to live), with the convenience of global travel, wide internet connection and communication ... plus the enormous capability of online search engines … I can question and I will question, find and seek what I do not know.

As you can see … it is not what I already know … it is what I don’t know that really drives me … taking me out further, keeping me active, spreading my variety, expanding my views and changing my thinking.

Hmmmm ... really ?

I don’t know.