I am not a great person

Let me tell you this … I am not a great person. I am 56 years old and until now I have not done anything great … really, nothing worthwhile, nothing big, nothing heroic, nothing illustrious, nothing impressive … nothing that is worthy enough to be called great. 

As a school boy … I was never the clever type. My parents had hoped that I can achieve something in school but I did not. The best I did was getting a Grade II for my MCE exams. I was mischievous at times but generally I behaved well in my schooling days.

Throughout the years, my academics were just slightly above average … nothing to shout about but I was quite active in other activities. I was a scout for a few years, actively involved in various school societies, participated in a few sports and was quite popular among my schoolmates. I was never going to achieve anything great in school … I was just an ordinary good school boy.

My parents had hoped that their son can achieve academic excellence but I let them down. I know they were disappointed but I think they knew that I am not the studious type. For the lack of paper qualifications … I have to make it up with good hard work.

So, after secondary school, I went straight to work … I never have any great thoughts of what I want to be. I don’t have any ambitions … all I have was an objective … to work and earn money so I can help put food on the table. While others in my age group have ambitions of becoming a doctor or a pilot or an engineer … I looked for all sorts of opportunities to earn a living.

And very soon I was doing good … good enough to start contributing to the family. The family financial situation improved and both my dad and mom were able to retire as planned and live a fairly good life in their later years. My parents may not have a great son but I know they were quite happy with a good son.

Over the years, I dabbled in many things … I was an electrician, a draughtman, a photographer, a graphic artist, a direct salesman, a small design agency owner, a café owner, a coffee shop partner before getting a job starting as a manager in the corporate world. I did not do anything significant or momentous in in my working life … while some of my peers climbed high up the corporate ladder and others established successful businesses, agencies and companies … my last job was a senior manager struggling in middle of things trying to make it good in the corporate world.

I did not do anything “big” but I think I did quite good in my working years … good enough to help put food on the table, good enough to start my own family, good enough to raise two kids and good enough to retire and enjoy my life comfortably.

I am married for 24 years and blessed with two kids. When I was thinking of getting married, I did not make any elaborate proposal … come to think about it, I can’t even remember how we end up deciding to get married but I am glad we did. In the last 24 years I did not do anything great as a husband … nope, nothing romantic or specially touching … nor did I do anything stupidly cute. I am just a straight forward husband … a very ordinary husband and I do what I think a husband should do.

I am the provider, the caregiver, the trouble shooter, the bodyguard, the protector, the joker, the driver, the gardener, the messenger, the car washer, the book keeper, the pet carer, the financial controller, the handyman all rolled into one … at times I cook, I mop, I sew, I launder, I iron and when I feel like it, I bake.

You know what? Over the years, I became quite good at doing all those things. So you see … I am not a great husband and have not done anything great but I think I did a lot of good things … at least good enough for my wife.

And as a father of two … again I don’t think I have done anything great as a father … unless you take into consideration the providing of two great swimmers that end up being first among the millions to kick start the fertilization that resulted in two beautiful babies. Nope ... I don’t think that is a great thing … so really, I am not a great father. Like my father … I am just a normal dad providing whatever that is required for his kids to grow up happily, healthily and to ensure that there will be enough resources to provide them with proper schooling and good education.

I am not a clever father … I don’t have the proper qualifications to guide them to academic success … they will have to struggle to achieve it themselves. I can only teach them from what I have experienced. So really, I have not done anything great for my kids but I hope whatever I can provide will do a bit of good for them in their growing years.

I know a lot of people but I don’t have many friends. Why? Simply because I am not a great friend. You see, I am a strange fella … I am very direct and I don’t mince my words. I tell you like it is … no more and no less. That is the problem … people don't like it and that is why I don’t have a lot of friends. How can you be a great friend if you don’t have a lot of friends … right?

But I am ok with it … even though there is only a few that can take me for what I am and I can take them for what they are … that is enough … I am glad and happy with them. Why? Because they are what I called good friends. Really at my age … I don’t need a lot of friends … just the good ones.

So you can see … I am not a great person and I have not done anything great. Well … no problem at all, I can live with that. I may not have done great things but I think I have done a lot of good things. Many years ago, a learned man told me … if you cannot do great things maybe you can try to do a lot of good things.