At my home

In a conversation with a friend who was visiting me for afternoon tea, we chatted on various things … from politics to parenting to old age. During conversation an interesting subject popped up … a topic on home … I mean a home that a family lives in.

It was about what it takes to make a good home … we are talking the about a home, not a house ya … I am sure we all know the difference.

Before I go further … let me first make clear the topic of the discussion. 

What is a home?

Is it a house? Well … yes but not necessary. I searched the internet for meaning of home … an online dictionary defines a home as … a place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household. OK, different dictionaries have different definitions but most say it is a place.

Yes, a place … it could be a cave, a cavern, a lodge or a hideout shelter. It does not necessary have to be a house or an apartment. For some people, it could be a pub or a bar … they called it their second home.

I read something that says a home is a place that one would like to go back to again and again after you have done with the day. So, for most of us, very likely it will be our house.

And in the discussion with my friend … we were talking about a home that is conducive for all and the talking point of discussion was … “a place to go back to again and again” and the question I want to ask is … what is there in your home that makes you want to go back to again and again?

Well, different families may have different ideas for their homes. I have been to many homes … a few elaborately decorated, some are very nicely organized, other are simple but pleasingly furnished. But it is not how the house is decorated or how it is designed even though it does add to the comfort and convenience for the family.

More importantly, it is the atmosphere, the camaraderie, the bonding, the respect, the responsibility, the commitment and the obligations of all the people living in it … all of those are important to make the home a place that you want to go back to again and again. The things, the doings and the interests in a home should not only be favorable or bias towards certain people of the family … it must compliment everyone living in it.

I have been to someone’s home lately … in the family, the wife is a devout Buddhist. To satisfy the needs of the wife’s belief … the place is decorated with many of the religion’s memorabilia and recorded mantra is constantly playing over and over from day till night. Only vegetarian is allowed and I was told that even killing of mosquitoes is not encouraged. And one more thing, wifi is not allowed. Well, this has nothing to do with the religion … it is just that the devout wife believes that wifi can cause cancer.

Let me say this clearly … I am not against religion but just because one person is a devout Buddhist … the whole family have to live restricted to the religion. The young kids who don’t understand and don’t know how to appreciate the Buddhist chants have to listen to the recorded mantra all day long. The rest of the family who are not vegetarians can only eat meat at restaurants. Irritating mosquitoes fly and breed freely everywhere.

And wifi can cause cancer??? I don’t want to go into that … it will be another three paragraphs if I do.

So, is this home a favorable place to live in? Yes, it might be but to only one person. For the rest of the family … they have to tolerate the restriction. Really, I think it is not a place that they would like to go back to again and again. Then again, I might be wrong … maybe they like to live with the restriction and they will go back again and again.

Let me tell you this … I am a diehard fan of aliens … I believe in super intelligent beings from outer space. So much so that I am convinced that I am an alien. I accept the idea that my ancestors came to this planet from another universe thousands of years ago. YES, I really believe that. 

Now, just because I believe in aliens, I cannot make my place (which I shared with my wife and kids) like a spaceship, put alien memorabilia everywhere and play music from “the encounter of the third kind” all day and night. It is only me who think I am an alien … my wife and kids think that it is a ridiculous idea. Make my place like a spaceship? Don’t even mention it in front of my wife … my ass will be kicked out into space at the speed of light.

I am not sure about other people’s home but at my home … be it responsibilities and obligations, duties and chores, obsessions and beliefs, discussions and arguments, art and deco, rules and regulations, whims and fancies, dos and don’ts, needs and nots or other conditions and matters … we must be able to know what to appreciate, who to respect, what to avoid and why it is not allowed so that we can make the setting fair, reasonable and compatible for everyone in order to keep the place and the people bonded in good spirits.

So, what is it like at my home? 

At my home … is where everyone has their freedom, privacy and practices within common expectation. It is where my kids are free to lock their bedroom doors, play their songs and do not have to worry about what is on their phones and computers. It is where my wife and I have our own man cave and she shed where we do our own things and enjoy some private space and down time.

At my home … is where my wife can be assured that she is needed and appreciated for keeping the things running like clockwork. It is where she is pampered for what she had contributed attentively to keep the family neat, tidy and fed.

At my home … is where I can look forward to enjoy a simple home cooked meal at the end of the day. It is where I felt most at ease resting, idling or watching my favorite TV series oblivious to the kid’s perpetual arguing, dogs barking and my two cats playfully scrambling all over the place.

And at my home … is where I feel close to my loved ones and find companionship in them. It is where I am never lonely even when I am alone. It is where I want to be and it is where I will go back to again and again.