Before I start to write my thoughts in this article ... I must say please read this with an open mind ... it touches on matters related to impending death ... these matters are taboo to many people.
Here it goes.
In one of my previous writings about terminal disease and death, a reader asked me ... “What do you say to a person who is about to die of cancer?"
The big C ... I am sure all of us must have known some people who have lost their lives and maybe some at this very moment who are fighting against this deadly disease. I have seen how several of my close friends and relatives suffered while fighting the agonizing battle against the deadly cancer.
And back to the question ... what can you say to these unfortunate people?
Well ... I don't know.
Of course we all will try to avoid talking about the impending
death ... the unfortunate ones don't want to be reminded that they are going to
die. It is easy to tell you what not to say, but what to say ... I really don't
know. Really, in this kind of situation there is not much to say anyway ...
other than a few careful words of concerns and comfort.
Look, it is not about what to say or what not to say ... rather
it is how those directly involved (the dying and his or her loved ones) deal
with it ... that will have a huge impact at this final stage.
Let's twist things around ... say if I am suffering
from the deadly disease and I am going to die ... how I am going to deal with
it? And how will I want my loved ones to deal with it? Again, please look at
this with an open mind ... whatever I am saying is based on my own views and
beliefs.
OK ... say I am dying from cancer ... how?
So, if there is no cure ... all that needs to be done is
done. Then fine, let it come ... let the disease take its course. There
is no need to do anything to prolong my life ... there is really not much to
look forward to anyway. Don't tell me about miracles ... don't pray for one. I
am not a religious person, I don't believe in praying and miracles. If science
cannot help me ... nothing can.
I will accept it. For me, acceptance is the best way to deal
with the anger, agony and suffering. Don't ask ... “Why me? I am still young
... I am so kind ... I am so healthy ... I have done so much good ... why me?”
Accept it ... the more you ask, the angrier you will become and that will only
increase the agony and suffering both mentally and physically ... for you and
your loved ones.
From there onwards ... with acceptance, I think I can manage
myself psychologically. I don't think I am afraid to die ... really, I am more
afraid of the pain. So, help me manage the pain ... give me morphine ...
I want to get high!!! Eh, I mean legally and medically ya.
Then it is about letting go ... letting go of worries and uncertainties. I am
worried ... my kids are young, they still need me ... my family will struggle
financially without me. How about the elderly ... who will take care of them
when I am not around? And so on and so forth. I don't think I will have much time left to
make things any better ... so, I will have to let go and trust that my loved ones will
be able to learn to manage by themselves.
Very soon the end is near ... maybe it is tomorrow ... come
see me and if I am alert, talk to me. Tell me about the good old days and make me
laugh ... hey, for that matter, make me cry too ... really, it doesn't matter.
Make my day ... even if it is the last day.
