You don’t have to like me

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I speak with candor … candor, now that is a nice word, isn’t it? In not so nice words, it actually means I can be brutally blunt … those who know me well will agree. I will tell you what I don’t like … no beating around the bushes. I don’t put on a face … I don’t pretend. Not that I don’t know how to put on a mask and play along … just that, in most occasions I don’t want to. You may not like what I am … I prefer it this way rather than having you like me for what I am not.

Really, I am not the “Likeable Mr Able” type of person … my outspokenness tends to create discomfort for many people. They think I am rude. I am not rude … I am just being direct. Being direct is not the same as being rude.

In my corporate days, working amongst scheming, conniving, dubious characters hiding behind smiling masks … frankness was not something to be appreciated. Treading in sensitive company politics, candor is a dirty word. I always tell people I got a dirty job … was paid to be hated. 

It is very hard to be nice if you want to be right … very often it will offend people but if I dare not offend, I cannot be honest. So I have made enemies … it is alright to have enemies as Sir Winston Churchill once said: “You have enemies? Good. That means you have stood up for something, sometime of your life”.

You don’t like my straightforwardness? It is OK, you don’t have to like it … for that matter, you don’t have to like me. To those who understand and accept it, candor is a compliment … it is how we should talk. The way I look at it … those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

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SHIT 50 !!!

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I am 50 years old today … yes, Hawaii Five O … the big FIVE ZERO! So, how do you think I feel? Thrilled? Excited? Celebrating a new milestone with plenty to look forward to?

Oh really? Hey, don’t you know the Mayans predicted the world is coming to an end on 21/12/2012? We are all going to die soon! So what is there to look forward to?

Naaahhhh … I am just joking, the world is not coming to an end. 

Seriously, how do I feel at 50? Some say life begins at 50, the second blooming, as they put it. Some say it is like wine … “the older it is, the better it gets” while others say … “the older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune”. 

Oh yeah? Screw all that … I say once you are over the hill you begin to pick up speed! Please forgive my sarcasms, some things may change at 50 but my skeptical, semi-eccentric, acerbic, dry-humoured personality is still very much intact.

If you believe there is a second blooming and you will get better as you grow older … you are a fool. When you are at my age … physically, the part of the body that doesn’t hurts, probably doesn’t work anymore. Mentally, midlife crisis may fool you to think that you can be 30s again … go hang out in some hot joints hoping to “score” some young one-night-stands. But frankly … you think a twenty or thirty-something chick would lay eyes on a fifty year old uncle? Look, accept the reality of “been there done that” and be satisfied with it. No need to seek temptations … when you reach this point in life, temptations will avoid you.

You don’t want to view the world at 50 … you want to believe you can look at the world the same as you did when you were 20 … then you have wasted thirty years of your life. A wise man will never wish to be younger.  Let’s face it … life is not going to be as kind as you want it to be when you are at 50… even the candles will cost more than the cake, so they say.

Oh shit, the big FIVE ZERO doesn’t really sounds too good, does it?  

Like it or not, accept it ... that is the only way to deal with it. For me, really it is not all that bad accepting that I am getting old. When I say SHIT 50!!! … I am not cursing nor I am disappointed or angry with anything. On the contrary, I am glad … actually it means (S.H.I.T.) So Happy I've Turned 50!

I am glad that at this point of my life, I have done with most of the stuffs I need to do. I made good the many obligations and commitments that were required of me and even crossed a few unexpected hurdles that were thrown at me along the way. I can say I am on a home run now … slowly, easily and happily.

So, I am on a home run … as good as it may sound, in reality it is probably the last stretch of the journey.  But I am not too worried about it … I still have some “uummmmph” (my slang for the collective meaning of energy, will power, desire and motivation) in me. Though many parts of my body have seen better days … even though a bit slow and gravity seems to be pulling harder, I am not sitting down and let life runs by … I am in action … this old uncle is on the go … so tell me, whose ass you want kicked? Just kidding lah.

OK seriously, I want to stay active, be on the move … may not be as fast as it used to be but I will be out there playing a few more competitive racket games, trekking a few more jungles, hiking a few more mountains and spending a little bit more time enjoying the wonderful nature. The way I see it … it is better to wear out than to rust out.

People say life is short, live as if you are going to die tomorrow … that doesn’t apply to me. I don’t know how many years I have but I know I have quite a bit of things to look forward to … so I am going to experience, to enjoy and to learn like I am going to live forever. 

This 50^th birthday is good for me, not the best … the best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet. I don’t know how many more will there be … if I have it my way, I probably live to write SHIT 60 and maybe even SHIT 70. Of course I want more … the more birthdays I have, the longer I will live, right? By then, if I still got “uummmmph”, you will get more SHITs from me.

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