I am not a likeable person

A lot of people don’t like me. Yes, no joke. I tell you why … I am not a likeable person.

Why is that so?

OK, let me explain. You see half of the people who know me don’t like me simply because I don’t believe in what they believed in. Yes, it is true ... the minute I tell them I am not a religious person, somehow I suddenly morphed into a reddish being with sharp ears and two horns holding a menacing trident.

I am not a religious person but I am not anti-religion. Too bad many people don’t see it this way. The way they see it … as long as you don’t belong to any religion, you are not going to be liked. More so if you are not in the same faith as they are.

So there you go … half of the people I know don’t like me already.

Then there are those who don’t like me for being direct … they say I am rude. There is a huge difference between being direct and being rude. If you are wrong, I tell you in your face that you are wrong … that is direct, not rude. I don’t tell others … why? Because it is YOU that need to change, not others. Unfortunately, some people cannot accept that.

And that makes another quarter of people who don’t like me. Not much left right? Wait, there is a few more.

From what is left, there are some who said I talked too much and they don’t like people who talked too much. Yes, I am a very vocal person … I don’t hide my opinions. The real reason why these people don’t like me is not because I talked too much, it is because what I said is different from what they wanted to hear. Sad but true … you don’t get ‘likes’ for honest opinions.

So you do the math and add up everything … you will see most people I know don’t like me. Now, what about the remaining few?

And here comes the gist of the story … like all my stories, I will take you go one big round before I come to the few lines to stress my point.

You may ask … “So, how about the few left … they like you?”

Well, these few are my close friends.  Do they like me? Errrrr … I don’t know. Put it this way, they did not say they like me … but, (here is my point) we get along very well because we are open to each other’s thoughts, opinions and frankness … because we can understand each other’s feelings, sensitivities and sentiments  … and also because we hold a certain tolerance level of each other’s beliefs, faith and devotions.

I see ... ME !

In the home of the elderly …

I see … unwanted burden and liability

I see … the forlornly aged, redundant and dispensable

I see … living being helplessly disconnected
I see … still eyes hollowing into blankness
I see … gray hair uncut and disheveled
I see … weak legs struggling to no avail
I see … shivering hands trying to feed
I see … sad face with a forgotten smile
I see … strange mumblings of unrecognized words
I see … loveless self without memories
I see … lost mind drawn to the threshold of insanity
I see … wandering thoughts contained and confined
I see … aged body fast disintegrating
I see … diseased organs in a fragile frame
I see … supported life on tubes and liquids
I see … exhausted body waiting for the end

And I see … ME !

Me, successful?

During a casual chat with a young graduate, he said to me …“Wah, you are so successful … don’t have to work already”.

Me, successful? Errrrrrr … depends on how you look at it. I’ll get back to that in a while.

First, let me ask … how do you measure success or what do you use to measure success?

Let’s throw in a bit of economic jargons just to make it sounds better … when measuring the GDP, it is not based on a fixed basket of things … like it differs from time to time in GDP, the things to put in the basket to measure success differs from people to people. OK clear? 

What it means is that everyone has their own ways of measuring success … some measure by life standards and values, some by religious principles, some by the hard way of sweat and tears and others used material gains to show what they have achieved.

Success comes in all shape and forms … it can be a small personal success like when you trained and ran a marathon … or it can be a big achievement in career advancement like when you have worked hard to be your own boss … or it can be a huge national pride like when someone wins the Olympic Gold for the country.

I am sure everyone has various form of successes in their lives and what you use to measure the successes is totally up to you.

Richard Branson is successful man but I don’t know what he puts in his basket to measure his success … all I know is that he has the Virgin Group to his name and he has an island with a posh resort home, millions in the bank, a yacht and of course airplanes to show how successful he is. So is Bill Gates of Microsoft, so is Jack Ma of Alibaba, so is Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook and so was Steve Jobs of Apple.

Then again … so was my Dad! BUT ... he had nothing to his name or anything to show. You see, my late father always say that he is a successful man and when I ask him how he qualifies that, he simply said … “I don’t owe anyone, anything”. You see, my dad don’t have much to put in his basket to measure his success …  he was not like Branson, Gates, Ma, Zuckerberg or Jobs … all he ever had was his years of hard work.

My point is … you don’t have to be like Branson, Gates or Ma to be successful. You don’t have to have something to your name, you don’t have to measure success like the big boys and if you have nothing to show, that is absolutely OK … you are successful by your own measures.

So back to the question … am I successful? By my own measures of time, health, family, friends and maybe some other small little things ... yes, I am successful. But if you were to ask how successful I am ... then, like my dad, I have nothing to my name and I don’t have anything to show.
  

I don’t need to be blessed

(Note: The following article is strictly my point of view and may stir the comfort of some people with certain beliefs … so, please read with an open mind.)

It‘s the time of the year for burning money again … oops sorry, I mean burning fake money (or hell notes, as they called it). But then again, people are using real money to buy fake money and burn it … so, really, they are actually burning money!

You've guessed it …  it is going to be “Qingming” soon, the Tomb Sweeping Day or some called it the family AGM … where the Chinese will go to the graves of their loved ones to make offerings. They will burn lots of paper stuffs … houses, cars, designer bags, watches, shoes, clothes ... you name it, they have it … most important of all, stacks of “money” ... the netherworld currency in the billions.

And why people want to do that?

Many will tell you that it is about tradition, it is about filial piety, it is about remembering the dead and it is about respecting our ancestors.

Well, that’s part of it … what many will conveniently forget to tell you is that it is also time to ask for something in return … believing that their loved ones in the netherworld can bless them with fortunes, wealth, good health, longevity, prosperity, opportunities, education success and last but not least, a set of numbers to win the big jackpot at KTM (Kuda Toto Magnum).

The way I see it … if it is about tradition then it is quite an outdated belief of burning stuffs for the dead. If it is about filial piety … what filial piety is there to show to the dead? If you want to show that you are filial … show it to your parents when they are alive! If it is about remembering the dead … that is all in your mind and in your heart … not in the stuffs you burn. And if it is about respecting the ancestors … then do better than what they expected you to be … that’s all you need.

All the “hoos hahs” about waking up early, got stuck in the long traffic jams, getting the various types of offerings, cleaning and clearing the graves and spending real money to buy fake money to be burnt … really, it is about I scratch your back and you scratch mine.

Look, when someone goes to the grave … let him or her have peace. Isn’t that why people say R.I.P. when someone passed away? So, try not to go to the grave every year and ask for this and ask for that ...  hoping to get more than what you already have. Strange but true … those who already have abundance, those who can afford a better life, those who make huge offerings are always the ones who are asking for more … they scratch hard asking for a harder scratch in return.

Put it this way, I am sure your late father or mother would have done enough for you while they were alive … you still have a list of things for them to do for you while in their graves?

I have visited my ancestors’ graves and every now and then I go to the temple where my late father’s ashes are kept  … I remember one time at the temple a relative said to me … “why don’t you make some offerings and say something to your father … maybe ask him to “保佑” (bless)  you.

I did not say anything really but if there was anything I want to say to my late father, I would have told him … “Don’t worry about me, I am doing absolutely OK and I can take care of myself and my family. I am in good health and staying out of trouble. There is enough to spend on things I need … so I am financially stable. Dad, I have done what you have expected me to do and I am sure you are proud. And no need to worry about your grand children too … there are doing OK. Though they will have to struggle a bit to pass their exams but no worries, they will get through by themselves ...  no help needed. They will have to learn to take care of themselves and make a living by themselves through hard work and perseverance.  And one more thing … don't take the trouble to come into my dreams and give me numbers to bet at KTM … if I want to place a bet, there is always the “lucky pick”.

Really Dad … go enjoy yourself, have fun be happy … go reincarnate (if you have not already done so) … don’t worry about me … I don’t need to be blessed.

I am at my best ...

Recently I quoted … “I am at my best in my simplest form” and posted it on various social media. Then someone asked me … what do you mean by “your best”?

I think people are asking me how do I qualify “my best” in the things I do … or maybe how do I evaluate and measure it.

OK, let me explain what I meant by “my best”.

You see, when I say I am at my best … it simply means when I am most happy, when I am most satisfied, when I am most contented, when I am most pleased, when I am most at ease, when I am most relaxed or when I am most comfortable.

Many times I have said that I am a simple man. I like simple things or things in their simplest forms. Simplicity is my approach. For example cooking … I love simple food so I like simple cooking and I cook very well with simple recipes. So don’t ask me to churn out something from a long complicated recipe … very likely I will “simplify” it and you may not like what it will turn out to be.

I write with simple words. Not that I don’t know how to use impressive jargons like how I wrote proposals and reports in my corporate days but hey, I am not writing to apply for a highly paid copywriter job. I am just writing to tell a story in the easiest way possible … so, simple words are most effective for a storyteller like me.

I love simple outdoors activities … trekking and hiking with a stick, backpack and a pair shoes … just walk and talk basically, nothing complicated really. I am not those adventurous types who use cutting edge GPS technology to map and cut out new trails, venture into unexplored jungles and mountains and conquering peaks around the world … that is just too tough and too difficult for me.

Sometimes I do a bit of cycling too … bought a RM150 used mountain bike and cycle around the neighborhood as and when I feel like cycling … that is all I do for cycling. So no, I don’t have high-tech bicycles with a complicated gear system that cost an arm and a leg or any impressive looking designer cycling gears and I don’t participate in 100km cycling races all over the country. Really, I am just an old uncle trying to get out of the house to enjoy the nature and a bit fresh air … I am most happy doing just that.

You see, I can be at my best in many different instances … I am at my best when I am alone at total peace with myself or when I take a nice evening walk with my wife around the neighborhood … that is when I am most satisfied. I am at my best when I am surrounded by my friends’ laughters and joys or when I have a quiet homemade dinner with my loved ones … that is when I am most pleased. And I am at my best when I basked in the rays of the morning sun penetrating through the branches of the trees in the jungle that I am trekking or when I am splashed by the cool waters from the waterfalls in the middle of the serene nature … that is where I am most at ease.

And if you look at where and when I am at my best … you will see that they all shared one common attribute … simplicity.

So, I guess you can see that I strive best in simple things or in simple activities or in simple environments … so, maybe you can now understand my meaning when I said … “I am at my best in my simplest form”.

Live old is an instinct ...

Everyone wants to live old … really, as old as possible and there is nothing wrong with that … it is the natural instinct of survival since human walked on the earth.

In ancient times, people fight savagely against primeval beasts or in brutal primitive wars to stay alive but today people are more likely to depend on scientific methods to help them live older. Whether it is now or thousands of years ago, this same instinct of survival remains in us … it is just that the methods of trying to live for as long as possible changed over time.

Many would think or would like to think that living old means as they grow older, they will age gradually and gracefully. And then come the day when the time is up, they will just pass on naturally and peacefully in a comfortable process.

Errrrr … sorry, I have to pour cold water on that thought.

The sad fact is … out of the top 10 causes of death, 9 are directly related to serious illnesses … not that I want to play up the fear element here but these deaths don’t come comfortably.

Click to enlarge. Sourced from Internet.

Look, let’s face it … as we aged, we get more vulnerable to a host of deadly diseases. For a very large majority, contracting one of those diseases is almost confirmed … it is just a matter of when. Some people get it during midlife, others even earlier … the rest may avoid it for several more years but eventually it will come. And when it does, it is no longer about living old … it is about trying to stay alive.

So, looks like living old does not sound so good after all. Hey, I am not saying that we should not look forward to getting old, I am just pointing out the fact that living old comes with its perils.

Maybe the younger ones are not bothered to talk about this yet … they have plenty of time and plenty of things to do, so for now, they are more concerned about how to make a good life for themselves.

But for those who have stepped into the final few chapters of their lives, I believe they must have asked themselves what will it be like as they live older.

And here is my point of the story … really, there is nothing much about living old. It is just a natural process and an instinct to stay alive for as long as possible. So let’s not worry about living old. As we grow older, let’s think more about living well. And what is living well?

The way I see it, living well is about staying active and always eager to go. It is about spending time on yourself, your friends and your loved ones. It is about helping to contribute to the populace and making things easier for others. It is about continuing to learn more and passing on your knowledge. Last but not least, it is about making the world a better place for those to come.

I am sure you know what I am talking about and I am sure there are more that people can add to the ‘live well’ list. So, for as long as you can … every day, every week, every month, every year … try to live your life well. I believe with this, growing old can be a lot more meaningful.

Live old is an instinct … live well is a choice.

The SWOTs of life

It is the last week of 2015 … another year is coming to an end and it is always at this time I will take a moment to reflect on what that have happened and what is going to come in the new year ahead.

I like to call it looking at the SWOTs of my life … for those who are into marketing will know what SWOTs are … every year many marketing professionals will have to look into their STRENGTHS, WEAKNESSES, OPPORTUNITIES and THREATS to develop strategies for their business.

For me, I look into the SWOTs of my life to better understand how I should continue to live my life in the coming years.

So what are my SWOTs ?

I think simplicity is my strength. I am all about living a simple life ... has been for many years already. And for the many more to come, I will continue to make things simple for me. I seek simplicity in all the things I do. I think simple things are the best things and I believe I am at my best in my simplest form.

What about my weakness? That will have to be my ‘hainanese wind’ (a pun meaning bad temper). So, I am the ‘windy’ type … after 53 years of life, the wind is still blowing … but it is good to know that the frequency has shortened quite a bit. Now that is a good sign … really, I think I have mellowed down a bit … so I promise I will try not to let the wind blows too often.

For opportunity … I must say it is the opportunity to learn. With time on my hand and the convenience of internet and smart devices, I can easily download videos, ebooks and even ask questions from a variety of sources. I have access to a wide range of materials to read, research and learn about subjects ranging from the simple science of cooking to the histories of the great civilizations of the world.

And the threat … this will have to be my health. As we grow old, we cannot escape the fact that our health will begin to deteriorate. Many illnesses come with age and the older we get, the more complicated it becomes. I believe that one of the ways to a healthy life is to stay active. So, I will continue to live an active life … trek the jungles and mountains, work on my wood recycling projects, play my weekly badminton games and do the morning walks with my wife … and I hope to do all these for as many years as possible.

Each of us will have our very own SWOTs of life … it is good to identify what your strength is and how it can benefits you, where your weakness is and how can you change it, what opportunity is available and how can you use it and where is your threat and how to deal with it.

Really, take a moment to look at your life ... look at every areas ... see what you need to stop doing and what you need to start ... do it while you still can. With that, I am sure we can all have a better year ahead and many more good years to come.

Happy New Year to all !!!

I am not a 老竇 …

In Cantonese, the slang 老竇 (pronounced ‘low tau’) simply means father … for the Chinese, it is very common when someone becomes a father … friends will congratulate him and say that he has become a 老竇.

But nowadays many write it as 老豆 (meaning old bean) but pronounced the same … not sure when and why the word got changed … but it should be written as 老竇, so I will use 老竇 from here onwards.

What many people don’t know is … why use the slang 老竇 to refer someone as a father. You see, when the Chinese call someone 老竇, meaning ‘Old Dou’ … it actually refers to a wise man in ancient times. 

Now, I am a father of two … when I became a father, all my friends congratulated me for becoming a 老竇 but that is not the way I see it. Yes, I am a father but I cannot say that I am a 老竇.

Why?

OK, let me explain … in the Chinese Three Character Classic, the 三字经 (Sānzìjīng) … there is a verse that goes like this : 

竇燕山，有義方。教五子，名俱揚

(Dòu yànshān, yǒu yì fāng. Jiào wǔzǐ, míng jù yang)

Sourced from Internet

The meaning of this verse is … Dou of Swallow Mountain has the right methods. He raised five sons, each of whom gained widespread reputation for their outstanding achievements.

Dou of Swallow Mountain (竇燕山) is actually Dou YuJun (竇禹鈞) who lived in a place called Swallow Mountain in ancient times … when people refer to someone as a 老竇 or ‘Old Dou’ … it is to pay respect to Dou YuJun (竇禹鈞) for his wisdom in raising five children, each whom attained outstanding achievements of their own.

So, yes I am a father but at this moment I cannot be referred to as a 老竇 because I cannot compare myself with Dou YuJun (竇禹鈞). I have not done what he did … I have yet to raise my kids to be outstanding individuals.

My kids are young and they still have plenty to learn … they still have a long way to go before they are able to face the world and make it on their own. Whether or not they are able to achieve success in the things they do, nobody knows for now.

That’s why I cannot accept the respect to be a 老竇 because I cannot be placed on the same standing with Dou YuJun (竇禹鈞) … at least not yet.