A baker, a tailor, a cook and a mechanic … are they any less respected?

I am sure all parents out there are always looking out for the most suitable (if not the best) education program for their kids … and as the kids grow, the cost of education increases … a lot. I want to ask … how much do you need for your kid’s higher education? Let’s not talk about those whose kids are offered scholarships and subsidies … let’s talk about the vast majority of those who have to dig into their own pockets.

Someone told me just recently that I have to set aside half a million dollars for each of my kid’s higher education. According to the person, by the time my kids go to college or university … for a 5-year degree program, the cost will be around one hundred thousand dollars a year … taking in consideration the course fees, books, food, accommodation, transport and other costs … and that is just to study at a local affiliated college or university. And if I want to send my kids for a short stint overseas … it will probably cost a hundred thousand more. That person said to me … “This is a must for a good tertiary education to open doors for better careers for your kids in the future”.

 WHAT??? If that is the case, my kids are doomed … why? I just don’t have a million dollars for both of them … so, without that kind of money for a good higher education, are they going to end up in the lower end of the society? If that is the case, so will a lot of other kids whose parents too cannot afford to fork out half a million dollars for a degree. Seriously, I want to ask … how many parents out there have this kind of money?

No, you don’t have to spend half a million for each of your kid’s tertiary education … doesn’t mean you don’t get a good tertiary education if you don’t have so much money. I agree that the cost of education is high but there are many choices … depending on what you can afford based on what you think your kids can achieve. There are many good education institutions out there offering good programs that cost a lot less … only that these institutions are not those so called “well known” education organizations. But make no mistakes … though these institutions are not the “big names”, they by no means offered any less in terms of professionalism and quality of the programs they provided.

Many parents, due to financial constraints or other reasons simply cannot allow higher academic education for their children … so, the next best thing is vocational training courses. There is nothing wrong with that … and the cost is definitely very much affordable. This doesn’t mean that their kids are going to grow up a lesser person.

Now, if you have the money, get the best for your kids … send them to the best international colleges or universities in UK. Canada, Australia or USA (I would if I have the money). Definitely it will give them a much better exposure and strong platform to obtain their tertiary education. Really, I am happy for your kids … they are so lucky to have parents like you.

YES, I agree that studying professional fields like medicine, dentistry or law (and maybe some that I have not heard of yet) will cost an arm and a leg. YES, many want their children to be doctors, lawyers, psychiatrists and the likes. But what about those who simply don’t have the big money to spend on their children’s higher education … their children probably end up being a baker, a tailor, a cook or a mechanic … so, are they going to be any less respected? I DON’T THINK SO!

Your beliefs don’t make you a better person …

What do you believe and what are your beliefs based on? People have their own reasoning for their beliefs ... many based on common logic, others applied their very own logic and some just don’t need any logic at all … they just believe.

I hear people say that life is fated … they believed everything in life is fixed. Sorry, I am not convinced … I don’t believe in fate at all. Why? I put it this way … in the ancient days when farmers planted their crops, whether it was going to be a good harvest or a bad disaster … they believe it was fated. Of course with today’s scientific information of the weather, knowledge of land cultivation and the understanding of pest control, we all know that farming have absolutely nothing to do with fate. But if people now don’t believe that fate will affect the crops … why do these same people believed that fate will affect their lives? Now, where is the logic?

Anyway, I am not here to tell you that you must accept what I said. If you believe your life is fated, I am sure you have your own logic in doing so. For me, believing in fate is as good as believing the email I received from the Interior Minister of Botswana who is going wire twelve million sterling pounds into my account as soon as I give him my banking details.

People ask me if I believe in god. I don’t … I cannot accept the logic of creationism. Then they say “But you believe in aliens”. YES, I believe in aliens and I am a big fan of ‘Ancient Aliens’ … I share the same thoughts as those in this TV series who believed that aliens visited us in the past. I know many will say it is absolutely crazy to think that aliens existed. My logic may not apply to them … they may not believe in aliens for the same reasons that I don’t believe in god … there is nothing wrong with that. Let's move on.

Then I want to ask ... will you burn your money? WHAT??? YES, I am asking if you will literally burn (light it up with fire) your money. You think I am crazy, right? Any sound person will not burn their hard earned cash … it is not right. But then to some people, if they use their hard earned money to buy fake money and then burn it … it is absolutely OK! What do I mean? Look at what people do during ‘Qing Ming’ (the Tomb Sweeping Day observed by the Chinese), you see them doing exactly what I just said … use their hard earned money to buy tons of fake money (the ‘hell notes’ as they call it) and burn it believing that their dead loved ones will receive the burnt hell notes in the netherworld and live a luxurious afterlife. Make sense? Sorry, to me it makes no sense. 

OK, we can argue until the cow comes home on what make sense and what don’t … really it is not about what you believe in or what I don’t … please don’t be bothered if I don’t share your beliefs and logic. I am not at all bothered if you choose to believe that there is an invisible being up there who created and controls everything in the universe. You do your thing, I do mine ... life goes on.

But let me say this … whatever your logic is, one cannot say yours is right and whatever your beliefs are, one cannot say yours are better.  But the problem is … there are people who simply cannot accept that others don’t share their beliefs and very often they insist that they are right and they are better. Please understand this … your beliefs don’t make you right, your beliefs don’t make you a better person … your behavior does.

“You want cheaper? No problem ...”

 I hear people complaining that things are getting so expensive nowadays … “Everything is so EXPENSIVE !”… they complained. Even coffee and tea are expensive now … and they say it is because of inflation.

OK, let’s do a bit of ‘kopi’ (coffee) economics … what is inflation? Recalling what I learned when I studied part time economics (many years ago) … inflation is “the cost measured against the value over a period of time” … correct? Any economics PhDs out there can clarify this? So if the cost of a cup of coffee and the actual value of the coffee both increase proportionately over time … you don’t call this inflation … it is just simple growth. But of course, those who complained will argue that the cost the coffee has increased exponentially compared to the value of the coffee (has it confuse you yet? If you are not confused, you are not paying attention … that’s economics). So they say it is inflation.

Inflation? Not  really … look, the cost of coffee has increased but the cost here doesn’t mean just the actual cost of the coffee alone … it includes other costs … like packaging, comfort, convenience, branding and other intangibles that were built in. So you are not paying more because of inflation … you are paying more than just the coffee. Those people who complained that coffee is expensive … well, stop drinking at Starbucks … go to the local “kopitiam” where a cup of coffee cost only RM1.80 … yes, even this cost has increased from several years ago … naturally, as the economy grows.

Then people say petrol is expensive … I agree … 100%. As a matter of fact, when my wife suggested that we go ‘somewhere expensive’ to celebrate her birthday … I was tempted to take her to the petrol station … IT IS an expensive place, don’t you think? So, petrol is expensive … simply because this natural resource is diminishing. Then how? Drive a smaller capacity car … that’s it. But hey, the irony is, those who are yelping that the petrol is expensive are actually those who drive the high end guzzlers … these monsters don’t just burn petrol … they practically gulp down liters by the seconds. If you want to buy an expensive, high capacity, top performance, ‘I look damn good in it’ car … don’t come tell me petrol is expensive.

I can accept the ice cream man running around in his three-wheeler earning a meagre income complain that the petrol is expensive … but not those who drive a monster 4WD with engine the size of my writing table.

Not so long ago, I was invited to a party at a huge modern 4-storey bungalow with state-of-the-art security system linked to some sort of electronic control gadgets and what not. I know the owner via a business acquaintance of mine and somehow I was invited along. When talking about the house, the owner told me that his house needs 22 air-conditioning systems to keep it cool and comfortable … almost all running 24 hours a day. WOW! That’s COOL … literally. The owner then said to me … “The electricity is so EXPENSIVE !!!  You know, it cost me RM16,000 a month”. I looked at him, kept quiet … but really, inside me was like ‘TIU NIA SING’ (for those who don’t know …. it means ‘WHAT THE F**K’) … a guy who owns a huge bungalow that cost a few millions bucks with 22 air-conditioning systems (not to mention other electric and electronic systems and gadgets) in the house complained that the electricity is expensive? What did he expect … a couple hundred of dollars???  I cannot understand these people … can afford to buy a cow but cannot afford the string?

YES, price of things are increasing but then at the end of the day it boils down to what do you want? You want the basic necessity or you want a bit of comfort or do you want luxury? Just pay accordingly. I once heard my regular mechanic (he is one cocky fellow) said to one of his customers who complained that the service charge of his BMW was expensive … the mechanic told the BMW owner … “You want cheaper, no problem … next time, bring a Proton!”

You think I am rich?

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You think I am rich? Many people think so … they said to me “Wah! Shiek, you send your kids to private international school, you must have a lot of money stashed up”. Halo, let me clarify … I did not send my kids to a private international school (please note I highlighted ‘international school’ in bold) … I cannot afford a full scale private international school with huge football fields, big nice air-conditioned activity halls, international standard sports arena, Olympic size swimming pool and state-of–the-art computer facilities that spread over several acres of land where students wear expensive uniforms and have their breaks in alfresco styled cafeteria. Nope … I definitely cannot afford that.

I send my son (and my daughter too when she goes to secondary education) to a private education centre operated from a row of shops with a decent library, a nice eatery, small classrooms and an up-to-date computer room. And no need for fancy uniforms … smart and casual will do. That, is within my ability … that much I can do for my kid’s education. The important thing is, my kids get to study the same syllabus, sit for the same exams and exposed to the same learning skills as those who are enrolled in private international schools. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against private international schools … their facilities are definitely better. If you can afford to write a bigger cheque, go for it. I wish I could. And for that matter, I am also not saying that our national type schools are not good … just different learning exposure.

 The irony is, the same people who commented that I send my kids for private education actually earn a lot more than I do … but they say they cannot afford a different (if not better) education platform for their children … I wonder why? They have better houses (most have more than one house), they drive big cars (and change their cars every other year) and they definitely have higher incomes. They can afford twice yearly overseas holidays for the whole family, they don’t mind losing thousands of dollars (in depreciation) when they change their cars, they own luxury brands but somehow they tell me they can’t afford private education for their kids. They say I am rich and they are not … hmmm, strange.

So you think I am rich? Don’t think … I tell you now. I have a house, I have a car, I have savings, I have an income … really I have a lot. It doesn’t matter if it is a small house, it doesn’t matter if it is a cheap car, it doesn’t matter how much I saved, it doesn’t matter how much I earned … I have a lot more than many people in this world. YES, I can say I am rich, simply because I don’t measure myself in material value. I am rich simply because I don’t spend unnecessarily. I am rich, simply because I don’t spend more than I earn. And let me tell you what my late father (even though he died penniless) once told me … he said “I am rich because I don’t not owe anyone, anything”. 

You don’t have to like me

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I speak with candor … candor, now that is a nice word, isn’t it? In not so nice words, it actually means I can be brutally blunt … those who know me well will agree. I will tell you what I don’t like … no beating around the bushes. I don’t put on a face … I don’t pretend. Not that I don’t know how to put on a mask and play along … just that, in most occasions I don’t want to. You may not like what I am … I prefer it this way rather than having you like me for what I am not.

Really, I am not the “Likeable Mr Able” type of person … my outspokenness tends to create discomfort for many people. They think I am rude. I am not rude … I am just being direct. Being direct is not the same as being rude.

In my corporate days, working amongst scheming, conniving, dubious characters hiding behind smiling masks … frankness was not something to be appreciated. Treading in sensitive company politics, candor is a dirty word. I always tell people I got a dirty job … was paid to be hated. 

It is very hard to be nice if you want to be right … very often it will offend people but if I dare not offend, I cannot be honest. So I have made enemies … it is alright to have enemies as Sir Winston Churchill once said: “You have enemies? Good. That means you have stood up for something, sometime of your life”.

You don’t like my straightforwardness? It is OK, you don’t have to like it … for that matter, you don’t have to like me. To those who understand and accept it, candor is a compliment … it is how we should talk. The way I look at it … those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

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SHIT 50 !!!

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I am 50 years old today … yes, Hawaii Five O … the big FIVE ZERO! So, how do you think I feel? Thrilled? Excited? Celebrating a new milestone with plenty to look forward to?

Oh really? Hey, don’t you know the Mayans predicted the world is coming to an end on 21/12/2012? We are all going to die soon! So what is there to look forward to?

Naaahhhh … I am just joking, the world is not coming to an end. 

Seriously, how do I feel at 50? Some say life begins at 50, the second blooming, as they put it. Some say it is like wine … “the older it is, the better it gets” while others say … “the older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune”. 

Oh yeah? Screw all that … I say once you are over the hill you begin to pick up speed! Please forgive my sarcasms, some things may change at 50 but my skeptical, semi-eccentric, acerbic, dry-humoured personality is still very much intact.

If you believe there is a second blooming and you will get better as you grow older … you are a fool. When you are at my age … physically, the part of the body that doesn’t hurts, probably doesn’t work anymore. Mentally, midlife crisis may fool you to think that you can be 30s again … go hang out in some hot joints hoping to “score” some young one-night-stands. But frankly … you think a twenty or thirty-something chick would lay eyes on a fifty year old uncle? Look, accept the reality of “been there done that” and be satisfied with it. No need to seek temptations … when you reach this point in life, temptations will avoid you.

You don’t want to view the world at 50 … you want to believe you can look at the world the same as you did when you were 20 … then you have wasted thirty years of your life. A wise man will never wish to be younger.  Let’s face it … life is not going to be as kind as you want it to be when you are at 50… even the candles will cost more than the cake, so they say.

Oh shit, the big FIVE ZERO doesn’t really sounds too good, does it?  

Like it or not, accept it ... that is the only way to deal with it. For me, really it is not all that bad accepting that I am getting old. When I say SHIT 50!!! … I am not cursing nor I am disappointed or angry with anything. On the contrary, I am glad … actually it means (S.H.I.T.) So Happy I've Turned 50!

I am glad that at this point of my life, I have done with most of the stuffs I need to do. I made good the many obligations and commitments that were required of me and even crossed a few unexpected hurdles that were thrown at me along the way. I can say I am on a home run now … slowly, easily and happily.

So, I am on a home run … as good as it may sound, in reality it is probably the last stretch of the journey.  But I am not too worried about it … I still have some “uummmmph” (my slang for the collective meaning of energy, will power, desire and motivation) in me. Though many parts of my body have seen better days … even though a bit slow and gravity seems to be pulling harder, I am not sitting down and let life runs by … I am in action … this old uncle is on the go … so tell me, whose ass you want kicked? Just kidding lah.

OK seriously, I want to stay active, be on the move … may not be as fast as it used to be but I will be out there playing a few more competitive racket games, trekking a few more jungles, hiking a few more mountains and spending a little bit more time enjoying the wonderful nature. The way I see it … it is better to wear out than to rust out.

People say life is short, live as if you are going to die tomorrow … that doesn’t apply to me. I don’t know how many years I have but I know I have quite a bit of things to look forward to … so I am going to experience, to enjoy and to learn like I am going to live forever. 

This 50^th birthday is good for me, not the best … the best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet. I don’t know how many more will there be … if I have it my way, I probably live to write SHIT 60 and maybe even SHIT 70. Of course I want more … the more birthdays I have, the longer I will live, right? By then, if I still got “uummmmph”, you will get more SHITs from me.

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Please grow up ...

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Some say that you can grow old but you don’t have to grow up … it is to say that one can be young at heart even though we are getting old. Well, I have no problem with that. But from a different perspective, I say that the reality of one growing old actually needs another growing up. What do I mean? 

OK, let me explain my point … by growing old, I am talking about letting go of things, taking a backseat, bowing out from obligations and enjoy the easy life for however long it may be. And by growing up, I meant the children carrying on the baton, taking on the challenges of life and learning to handle the responsibilities of their age. My philosophy is simple ... for one to grow old, the children must grow up.

But the problem is, some children just don’t grow up and there are too many young working adults out there who still rely on their parents for support. I heard this many times “No matter how old your kids are, they are still a baby in your eyes”. You can put it that way but it does not mean that you are to hold their hands forever … you don’t want to hold their hands forever. If they are holding on to your hands for too long … something is not right. 

We all heard of protective over-indulging parents ignorantly spoiling their children and some parents (knowingly) still carry the responsibilities of their adult children. Are you one of these parents? Look, the years are adding on, like it or not the wrinkles and grey hairs will show and come one day you would like to grow old … but can you? 

Anyway, I don’t know about others ... my hair is already turning grey but hey, I am not complaining … on the contrary, I am glad I can see my hair turning grey. Many unfortunate people did not live long enough to see their hairs turn grey. I don’t mind getting older … and in time to come, I want to grow old. I told my children many times (even though they are still at a young age) and I tell them again, so here is to my son and daughter “Please grow up … so I can grow old”.

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Study lor … study some more lor … then read lor

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I know of some parents who are very reluctant to let their kids have access to a computer or other digital devices at home. I once asked one such parent why and she said she is afraid that her children will be hooked on the computer games, Internet, watching online movies, chatting or drawn into other related activities. She told me she heard of stories that kids who are so hooked on the Internet that they refuse to go to school playing truant hanging out at Internet cafes. They are addicted to online games, watching movies on the Internet every day neglecting their studies. She don’t want her kids to be like that … so no computers, no Internet, no emails, no mobile phones, no MP3s, no game consoles … absolutely NOTHING !

When I asked these parents what do they like their kids to do on free time, I often hear … study lor. When I explained 'free time' means after the kids had finished studying, they told me … study some more lor. Then I asked what if their kids really don’t want to study anymore … what then? They said to me … then read lor. I don’t want to ask anymore.

Seems like this 'STUDY lor and STUDY SOME MORE lor and then READ lor” routine is the norm set in the minds of these parents for their kids’ free time. I feel bad for their kids … as if the kids have not read enough. Do the kids really like reading? Or they just don’t have any choice … because their parents think that computers and other digital devices are bad for them. Don’t get me wrong … I am not saying reading is not good. I want my kids to read too … it is a good habit but I don’t want my kids to just read and do nothing else. There are a lot more they need to do and learn while growing up at their age.

I disagree with parents who don’t allow their kids the necessity and convenience of the digital age. Look, kids today are born into the world of computers, mobile phones, iPads, Internet, emails, SMS, online games, FB, Twitter, Google, Skype, YouTube and so on and so forth. All these are not bad for the kids … these are part of their lives (whether you like it or not) and are what they learn from, what they talk about in schools, what they share with their classmates, what they laugh about with their friends and what they enjoy doing while growing up.

On the same notion, people like me who were born before the digital era, we grew up fly-fighting kites on sharpened glass-laced strings, throwing slippers at pile of picture cards, sharpening the nails on spin-tops, squatting on dusty roads playing marbles, running helter-skelter from “chopping” balls, catching spiders in jungles, climbing barefooted up a coconut tree, swimming stark naked in rivers and mining ponds, scaling slippery boulders at waterfalls … we were born into these activities … they were important parts of our growing years. Were these bad for us? I definitely don’t think so.

Surfing the Internet may have some bad elements as to flying kites with sharpened glass-laced strings has dangerous elements associated with it … but one cannot deny the kids of the contemporary things they are born into and the gizmos of their age that provide the necessity and convenience for them to grow up with. Whether they are kids of today spending time on the computer or kids of my era playing marbles on a dusty road, it is only bad if you don’t how to exert caution, discipline, supervision and control over it.

Don’t be too fast to blame the digital age and say it is bad for the kids. The digital age made our lives a little more convenient, a little more entertaining, a little more interesting and a whole lot more easier. If you don’t agree, try asking your kid to use the log book (if you still remember what a log book is) to do Logarithms instead of a calculator or computer software … I hope you see my point.

Note : Some readers who are not familiar with Malaysian slang may not understand the word “lor” used in the above article. “Lor” is a local slang popularly used to imply “what else?”… so “study lor” simply means “study, what else?”

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