University of Hard Knocks

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I visited a retired lecturer last week and we chatted for almost half a day about everything under the sun. I enjoyed his company very much. He once taught me for a semester while I was doing a part time Marketing course. I like talking to him … a witty wise man. He is the kind of person who is not afraid to bend the rules and disrupt the norm. During the conversation he touched on something which I totally agree with and would like to share my point of views on this too. He had taught many people over the years … while he had seen many smart people but he feels that they lack the street wise aptitude. He said being smart may give you a good head start but you have to learn to be streetwise to pull you through the rough turns and corners of where you may be heading. I absolutely agree 100% with him … why? Because someone told me many years ago … a smart person will only believe half of what he hears … a streetwise person already knows which half. 

So what exactly is streetwise? I don’t know how to define it. I can just say streetwise ways are not always proper … unorthodox most of the times. In an argument, if the law is on your side, you argue the law. If the facts are on your side, you argue the facts … that is the smart way. But if both the law and the facts are not on your side, you argue LOUDLY … and I call that the streetwise way where rules don’t apply. Now, it does make you look like a rascal but sometimes that is the way you need to get things going. 

Very often people like to get things done via the proper channels. The smart thing is to ask for approval and play “by the book”… but then it often takes a lot time, involving red tapes and hassles. Did it ever cross your mind NOT to ask for approval now but to ask for forgiveness later? If you ask me, my streetwise reply will be … it is a lot easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for approval. You may say, hey, this is not right. I didn’t say it was right … but if you are convinced, you may need some unorthodox ways to get around obstacles … “bend the rules” so to speak.

We faced all sorts of obstacles day after day … many are not easy to solve but you don’t really need to know rocket science to tackle them. When you can’t find a smart way to remove or get across an obstacle, maybe there is a streetwise way to just get around it. Hey, I am sure you heard of this “if you can’t convince them, confuse them”.

 
Streetwise aptitude is not something you learn from your normal educational institutions … you get it from the “University of Hard Knocks” where there are no rules, no bed of roses … you learn it by getting yourself bumped, bruised, betrayed, fooled, deceived, smacked, conned … the more you get knocked down, the faster you learn. You must go head on, face to face with the problems. I don’t know about you but I love problems or should I say I love solving problems. I was paid to solve problems (when I was working) … and I have more than enough shares of hard knocking problems to earn me a bagful of streetwise “Shiek’s Specials” which I can pull out to use every now and then … they get me through hell and back in a breeze.

I am not asking you to go against the flow every time. You don’t need to … there are times when it is easier to just get around it. You are a smart person but you will learn to be streetwise every time when you fall and pull yourself up again. Maybe you too will have your very own “streetwise specials” to pull out when the need arises.

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Hawaii Five O

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I turned 49 last month and very soon I am going to be “half a century” old … and the theme song of Hawaii Five O is already repeating inside my mind. Get it? Hawaii Five O? … the big Five and Zero!

I remember when my ex-boss turned 50, I sent him a big poster titled “SHIT 50” … it stands for “So Happy I Turned 50” Not sure whether he was happy turning 50 years old but like it or not, it will come (that is, if you live up to 50).

For me, I am actually looking forward to it. Hey, there is actually a lot to look forward to at age 50 … first, we (those who are eligible) can withdraw part of our savings from our Employee’s Provident Fund account. If I tell you I am not excited about that, I would be lying. I am not going to tell you how much I have in that account but I can tell you for sure that the money is coming in very handy. OK lah, money is one thing … we cannot deny that it does increases the level of comfort in our lives. But there are other aspects of life that we want to experience from age 50 onwards.

For me, going into 50 and looking forward to more in my life is a lot easier … why? Because I have the time and I am still physically able to do a lot of things. Many people said “Oh Shiek, you are so lucky to be able to stop working at your age”. Let me tell you luck has nothing to do with it. I did not strike a lottery OK? I slogged for many years to build what I have today. And then (the important thing is), I stopped chasing … I told myself I should be prudent with what I already have and that should be enough.

“So you are retired now?” people asked me. I don’t like the word “retired” … sounds mundane and dull. I would like to just say that I don’t have a permanent job with a fixed salary. I stopped working a few years back because I needed quality time and I needed to regain my health. Some people said to me “Shiek, you are going to be very bored when you stop working … with so much time and nothing to do”. Alright, I am not working … that doesn’t mean I have nothing to do. I have a lot to do … I am actually very busy keeping myself healthy, allowing enough time for my wife and kids and also spending quality time with other family members and friends. On top of that, I also need to be a handy man at home, a driver for my kids and a stand-in cook when my wife is not available. Then I have to find time to catch up on my reading as well as learning and practicing my “erhu” (Chinese violin). Now that is a busy man, don’t you think? OK, maybe I exaggerated it a bit … I don’t have to do all that every single day. 

Hey, if you are of my generation heading towards the big Five Zero … no worries, there are still plenty to look forward to. If you can afford more quality time and maintain a healthy lifestyle, I am sure you too will be dancing happily to the theme of Hawaii Five O.

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The first rule ...

Not many people knew that I was once making a living as a photographer ... for a few years during my mid 20s, I dabbled in photography. Those days I had 12 cameras, ranging from 35mm Nikons to 120mm medium format Hasselblads to a large format bellow-type Horseman. Cost me an arm and a leg to acquire these babies ... but that career did not last long and at the end of it, I sold all but one medium format Mamiya which I still have in one of my drawers somewhere.

OK, I am not here to talk about my short-lived photography career. Actually what I wanted to talk about is the first rule of photography and how this discipline influenced the way I look at things in my everyday life. For those who don’t know, the first rule of photography is “Never shoot a photo at eye level” ... why? Because everyone sees it at the same level ... so an object (or subject) of interest photographed at eye level is no different than how it was seen by others when it was photographed. This rule is always on the top of my mind. So very often I don’t see things the way people normally sees it. I am a curious person and I like to approach things a little off the centre. At times people find it difficult to understand this and they think I am wandering too far out of the comfort zone. That is exactly the point ... when all others look at things at eye level, a good photographer will get out of his or her comfort zone to find a different angle and make the difference. So I ask the same ... for people to look at me from a different level too ... that way, they may be able to understand me better.

Everyone likes to see things at their comfort level and always think that people will see things at the same level ... that is the norm. Sometimes one needs to get out of the norm ... don’t look at things the way everyone looks at it and also understand why some people look at things differently ... maybe then one can actually “see the whole picture”, so to speak.

So the next time you want to photograph something, apply the first rule ... try squatting or lying down for a different angle or maybe stand on a chair for a top view ... it may turn out (if not better, at least it is) different than how others see it. And also when you look at a photograph and thought it looks a bit out of the norm, try to appreciate why it was shot that way ... and maybe do the same for the way you look at things in your everyday life ... it can be much more appealing this way.

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I am a very careful person but …

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I bought a motorcycle a few of years ago … basically I wanted to use it to run around doing errands conveniently without having to worry about the traffic jams and parking spaces. It does move around conveniently but it also comes with higher risk of injury in the event of an accident.

While my family and many friends have no objection of me riding a motorbike, they however cautioned me seriously. They warned me to be careful and try not to use it on main roads and I told them “No worries, I am a very careful person”. Yes, they agreed that I am a very careful person but they told me it is the other drivers that are not careful.

And so it happened on 21^st March 2011 … I was on the way going to run some errands and I have to use a main road from Subang heading to Shah Alam. As I was slowing down to turn into the motorcycle lane, a speeding driver (did not see me slowing down) ran right into me from behind. I was thrown about 15 meters away and landed on the side of the road. And I don’t have to tell you what happened next.

To cut the story short, I landed in the emergency ward of Subang Jaya Medical Centre pretty battered. I got a deep gash (that required 8 stitches) on the back of my head, a blue-black eye, sprained shoulder and a very bruised back plus bruises, lacerations and cuts all over the body. Not to mentioned a smashed up motorcycle and the trouble of going in and out of the police station making the accident report and the hassle of making insurance claims.

 

I thank those who were praying for me … the injuries were not permanent or long term and I should recover. I probably need several weeks to be up and running again. It was while resting at home that I felt really scared thinking about the accident. I could have been killed and that’s it. While I am lucky to be able to sit up and write about this, I had my loved one worried like hell. My mom cried when she saw me all patched up and I felt really bad seeing her in tears. My wife has to put in a lot of extra effort to take care of me while I recover and my two children were so worried when they heard that I was in the hospital. All my friends who knew about this were also very concerned ... I brought them unnecessary worries and concerns.

This is a painful lesson learnt … yes I may be a very careful person but that doesn’t mean I can avoid accidents. I don’t think I will ride my motorbike into main roads again … I am not risking it. Not so much of me going through the painful recovery … it is the thought of the distress and grief that my loved ones will go through should anything severe happens to me.

I want to say sorry to those whom I have given unnecessary worries and concerns and thank all, especially my great wife, who is making a hell of an effort to help me recover.

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I don’t teach my kids to be clever

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I was talking to a friend over lunch not too long ago and we were talking about our kids. She said “Shiek, my kids are not clever lah”. I asked “Huh? What do you mean?” Then she told me that both her schooling kids did not obtain good results in school and she is a bit worried. She then asked me “How do you teach your children to be clever?”. I told her “Look, I don’t teach my kids to be clever”. In disbelief she then asked me “Don’t you want to teach your children to be clever?” I told her again “I meant what I have just said … I don’t teach my kids to be clever” … and the conversation went on with me explaining my point.

Now, don’t I want clever children? Of course I do but I don’t have the capabilities to teach my children to be clever. Honestly I am not a clever person myself … I don’t have any high paper qualifications. I studied up to “O” level … and even that, I only got Grade 2 in my MCE (Malaysian Certificate of Education) exams. So what do I have to teach my children to be clever? 

I tell you what I can teach my kids … I teach my kids to be filial, I teach my kids to be responsible and I teach my kids to have respect. I teach my kids discipline. I tell my kids to accept “NO”. I tell them to appreciate and make do with what they have. I tell them not to complain about their shoes because some people don’t even have legs. Now, if I can instill these values into them, then I think I have done a good job as a parent.

I once visited an old folk’s home and was told that a dentist left his mother at the facility some 9 years ago and has not visited her since … where is the filial piety? I have seen a college whiz kid shouting foul language at her mother just because her mother was a few minutes late picking her up … where is the respect? I heard of a mother who packs the school bag for her 13 year old “top-of-the-class” son EVERYDAY … now where is the responsibility? Sad isn’t it?

I let the schools, the colleges and the universities teach my kids to be clever … that is the role of these institutions. If they can turn my children in whiz kids, I will be the happiest father on the planet. If they can’t, I am fine too. I am OK if my kids don’t grow up to be doctors, professors or lawyers … really, that is not important.  The important thing is they grow up to be filial to the people that provided for them, responsible for what they do and have respect to the people around them.

We all want clever children … by all means put the kids into programs that will bring out their potential. But sometimes people are just so engrossed and focused on turning their kids into geniuses that they simply forgot how to teach their kids to be a better person.

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What is "old school"?

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I always say I am an “old school” type. Many people got it wrong and think that it means “old fashion”. NOPE … “old school” is NOT “old fashion”.

So, what is “old school”? OK, let me tell you from my point of view. “Old school” people like me have a preference for things from our era. The presence of the word “old” doesn’t mean we are outdated or obsolete. Though we may prefer some values and ideas that are from our generation, we did not stay behind … our mind set move along as we progress.

For example, I grew up with Madonna, Tina Turner and Shaun Cassidy … that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to appreciate Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face”, Katy Perry’s “Hot N Cold” and Justin Bieber’s “That Should Be Me”. I keep Pink Floyd, Queen and Deep Purple CDs in my car but I also love songs of Linkin Park, Jonas Brothers and Tokio Hotel on the radio.

We use the convenience of modern communication tools like Skype, Facebook, SMS and emails but we never let these modern necessities replace the true social quality of friends meeting up, gathering and getting together. “Old school” people like me still very much hold on to the essence togetherness.

Amidst the mushrooming modern cafes, the likes of Papparich, Old Town Kopitiam and other copycat outlets, we still prefer good old coffee shops that offer an aromatic cup of Kopi O” (black coffee) and the great taste of “roti bakar kaya” (toasted bread with coconut jam). But nevertheless we don’t mind a regular latte and butter croissant at Starbucks every now and then.

We may display the popular high fives, fist bumps and trendy gestures but we still uphold the importance and significance of a handshake … a simple gesture that is as good as a contract … an “old school” gesture that carries the virtues of trust, honesty and loyalty.

Put it this way … an “old school” person like me grasp the best of both worlds. On the one hand I still hold on to the values that cast out the basis of what I am today … on the other, I embrace the practicality and necessity of new ideas and new things as I move on in life. Like I said earlier … “old school” doesn’t mean that I am “old fashion”.

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Togetherness

 

Reunion … I guess more or less you know what I am talking about. Yes, Chinese New Year is just at the corner and I believe everyone celebrating Chinese New Year will be having reunion dinner with their families. Since the last few years, I have taken over the task of whipping out a grand meal for our reunion dinner. I am really looking forward it. Actually since last month my wife has been asking me what we should prepare for the dinner. I have a list worked out and I am sure my dinner guests will not be disappointed. But really it is not so much about what is on the table … it is about everyone getting together sharing, talking, joking, laughing and simply chatting the night away. It is about togetherness.

Every year it is not just my family’s reunion dinner that I look forward to … I also look forward to other reunions, gatherings and meetings (the social kind). One such activity is the annual gathering with my old schoolmates. Every year without fail we will gather together, talk, joke, share stories over a couple of beers. And then the night will carry on with a few games of poker. Over the years, some of us moved away, some migrated, some may have lost contact and some, for whatever reason, kept a distance. But for those who are still contactable, living in Malaysia or who comes back visiting, we made it a point to meet every year. We have been doing this since we left school in 1979 … 32 years and still going.

Then there are other get-together events with ex-colleagues, ex-college mates, fellow sport enthusiasts and club members. Most of these gatherings will be over lunch or dinner with the compulsory “lou sang” (prosperity themed fish salad) to celebrate success and prosperity for all.

I love attending these get-together events … it gives me a good feeling and more so during this festive period. Well, actually it doesn’t really matter whether it is a festive day or just another day of the year, whether it is with family members or friends, whether it is reunion, gathering or meetings … the important thing for me is the essence of togetherness … that is I what I really enjoyed.

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Big words

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While waiting for a friend at Starbucks, I overheard a corporate looking young guy, probably in his early twenties talking loudly on his phone. I can’t help listening and what caught my attention were the words he used in his conversation … big words.

I don’t remember exactly every word he said but some big words really caught my attention. He mentioned that he “invested over a million” in a food and beverage business. He also said that he just bought 2 units “high end property” in town. Then I remember he said that he is confident that he will get some “important clients” to provide “financial support” for some kind of project he was undertaking. He also told the person on the other end of the line that he has “wide network” and “strong connection”. He continued to say that he has “special relation” with someone in the state government and his “joint venture partner” is very well known in the country. He spoke for a quite a while delivering more fancy financial and business jargons. Fuyoh !!!  He must be some very important chap.  NAAAAHHH … I doubt it. Any person with a little bit of grey matter knows that it all sounded so artificial.

I am sure you see this quite often (maybe not as artificial as the guy I mentioned), people talking with big words and fancy business jargons. I have seen too many … some may be boasting and others trying to show off their successes. They like preaching these big words and are convinced that they are better carrying big words with them. By their tone and manner, the big words signify success, the big words suggest status, the big words symbolize power, the big words indicate wealth … and the big words make them important. 

Maybe some people really are big time successful individuals, maybe they do deal with big things in their lives. Hey, maybe that guy at Starbucks really has big things going for him. I don’t know. What I know is that things don’t always have to be big. The things that really matter are the smaller things. Be faithful in the small things because it is from there you draw out your real strength. And it is from the small things in life that you can find your true self.

I don’t really have big words … people may call it “high end property”, I call it a “home”. People may call it “wide networking”, I call it “friends”. People may call it “investment”, I call it “child’s education”. People may call it “strong connection”, I call it “family”. People may call it “important clients”, I call it “relatives”. People may call it “financial support”, I call it a “savings”. People may call it “special relation”, I call it “love”. And what people called a “joint venture partner” … hey, to me, that’s my wife.

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